Page 88 of Between Despair and Hope

“Then who?” Are you talking to Dewalt about—”

“Areyoutalking to Dewalt?”

“Divine hell, you are a pain in my ass,” I snapped, exasperated.

“As you are in mine, little sister.”

“Listen, when you’re being stupid, it has to be someone’s responsibility to inform you. I thought Emma was going to take over that role—”

“Oh, she still does. She barely spoke to me at all last week.” A heavy sigh escaped from his lips as he tilted his head back.

“I don’t think that was all about you,” I offered. She finally had her first courses after drinking from the font. Notoriously brutal, she wasn’t prepared. No one had told her what to expect, and I was disappointed in myself for failing her in that regard. Mairin had mentioned it in passing during one of the brief moments we’d ran into each other in the barracks. She’d had to go no sooner than she’d told me, and I’d almost chased after her.

“No, I know it wasn’t. I could—you know, they ought to warn us.”

“What do you mean?”

“Feeling her pain through the bond was awful.”

“I promise you, it was worse for her.”

“Gods, you ass. I know that.” He scowled. “But I couldn’t do anything. Not being able to fix it for her? Was yours that bad?”

“Do you not remember?”

“No, why would I remember that?”

“Because it was on one of our fucking trips to Nythyr. When we took a few days in Pelmuzu? I was laid up in the inn. I didn’t get to go to any of the wineries the entire time. I was furious.”

“Oh, I remember now. Gods, Dewalt and I drank so much that…” He trailed off when he saw the look on my face.

“I know. Ass. I’m surprised Emma’s came so soon, though. Mine took almost two years.”

“Of course, it started when I couldn’t be there for her.”

“Wait, you still refused to be around her? Even with the pain?”

“Well, no. I—Elora has been sleeping in there off and on. I couldn’t just barge in.”

“You could have asked her.”

“And given her some sort of hope?” He tsked. “No. That wouldn’t be fair.”

“So, there is no hope for you to get better then? She is to live in your suite with your daughter while you stay a safe distance away? Rainier, you barely seem to have tried. You won’t talk to anyone about it, least of all her.”

“Table it, Ven. I don’t know what you want from me.”

“Treating her like she is something you can break is what has caused all this heartache between the two of you. The fact she hasn’t kicked your ass tells me she is taking it better than I would have thought, but you’re being unreasonable.”

“She’s the fucking Beloved, Ven.”

“So?”

“So, if something happens to her, it’s not justmyworld that is destroyed.”

“And meanwhile, you’re destroyingherworld yourself.”

Shooting daggers at one another, we finally relaxed after a few moments of heavy silence. I loved my brother, and the thought of what he had gone through during those weeks and the thought of losing him had nearly torn me apart. But I hated watching him throw away what they’d worked so hard for. I hated how he let what Declan did divide them.

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