Page 98 of Between Despair and Hope

“Now, I find it hard to believe that all ofmymasters—”

“Would you like to know how many children? Girls. All younger than my—ourdaughter.“ Her voice held steady—a viper waiting to strike. Deadly, dangerous,mine. “Six. Six girls. Two of which haven’t had their first blood.”

Divine fucking hell. She hadn’t told me that.

“Now, that’s enough. There is no way this is true. I’ll summon Filenti right—”

“Do it. Summon him,” I said.

The Supreme blanched as he glanced between the two of us.

“You truly—” He shook his head. “This is madness. No, it’s simply not happening.”

“It is, and this is me telling you to deal with it. You will come back with us to Astana, and you will put him down. You have always treated me with kindness and respect. It is because of this, I do not accuse you of having anything to do with it. But the more you hesitate, the more I wonder if perhaps I am wrong about that.”

Em’s hand squeezed my knee, and in my periphery, I caught her staring at the Supreme, flint in her eyes.

“Rainier, I assure you, if I knew about it, I wouldn’t have—”

Emma cut him off, her voice stone. “Just because you didn’t know doesn’t mean you aren’t responsible for what was done. It was your responsibility to know. You will be lucky if Rhia doesn’t smite you herself for what they have done in her name under your nose. The novices we rescued from Folterra? Most of them chose to come to Vesta. Do you know how many were pregnant by rape?” When the Supreme didn’t answer, Emma scooted forward in her seat, body shaking with rage instead of fear. “Over half of them,” she said. “And some of them on their second pregnancy.Youlet that happen.”

“I’ll gather the High Masters now.” He exhaled a breath, shaking his head. It seemed as if he truly couldn’t believe it.

“Good,” I said as he rose.

“If you wait here—”

“No,” Emma snapped, eyes darting to me. “We’ll wait outside.”

He simply nodded, holding the door open before saying, “Give me a few minutes.”

She rose, and when her hand left my leg, I felt a twist in my stomach.

It was a few moments later when we sat beside one another on the bottom stair outside, she tentatively reached out with that same hand. She offered me the touch I needed desperately and had been avoiding entirely.

I allowed myself to take it.

“Are you al—”

“How are you—”

A breathless smile lit up her features, and the warmth she radiated filled my chest. “Me first. Are you alright? I thought because of the…” She hesitated.

“The cell. It wasn’t pleasant, but I’m fine. You?” I squeezed her hand.

“It actually wasn’t as bad as last time, and I don’t know why. Maybe because I was more worried about you.”

I looked away, her scrutiny feeling too thorough. She’d always seen down to the soul of me, and I couldn’t let her see my want. Not yet. I was getting so much better. I’d told myself if I went more than a week without having a nightmare, I’d go back to her. I hadn’t mentioned it to her, not wanting to get her hopes up. The longest I’d gone was five days, and the thought of her asking with expectations only for me to dash them was not something I wanted to deal with. Tonight would make six days, but I worried coming here would set me back. The more stress I was in during the day, the more likely I saw my dead daughter or my hands wrapped around Em’s throat. Or the worst nights when I saw Vondi. I’d truly failed the boy, and no amount of remorse would resurrect him.

The clock tower chimed noon, and Emma jumped up with a start, dropping my hand along with my heart. “I thought we’d be halfway back by now,” she exclaimed.

“In a hurry, Your Majesty?” I stood, taking her hand back into mine, and she looked at me out of the corner of her eye, wary. I hated it.

“I have things to attend to, yes.”

“What things?”

“Things I’ll tell you once you share my bed again,” she said, and if it weren’t for the lip quiver she hid by biting it, I would have believed her rancor.

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