Page 61 of Feathers From the Sky

When I tilt my head back, the cool tile helps. I close my eyes, piling my hair on top of my head. Casting my memory back to the darkest point of my life, I remember the guided meditation videos my therapist suggested I use to overcome my inability to sleep. There’s a cool stream running through a twilight forest. The sound of toads croaking and bugs chirping helped lull me into sleep nightly for months. Josh had hated it, so if he ever slept over, I’d had to choose. The comfort of a warm body next to mine or the soothing sounds of nature carrying on whether I could or not.

My frogs and crickets always won. I couldn’t handle the silence.

When it was quiet, I blamed myself.

When it was quiet, I couldn’t breathe.

When it was quiet, I wanted to die.

It’s silent now, but I can imagine the sounds that saved my life back then.

Clenching my fist, I hope they can do it again.

22

ROMAN

“Fifteen minutes? Are you fucking crazy?”Nico is shouting as he flies down the shoulder, going southbound on the expressway. I’m sure he’s doing his best, but I’m so fucking angry, I want to kill him. I’m splitting my attention between the screen in my hands and the road in front of us. The sun has long since set, but it’s a Friday night and it’s busy as hell. I fucking hate this city. We’re finally making some progress, but as the Edens merges into the Dan Ryan, Nico can’t get past the lanes of traffic between us and the shoulder. “It’s impossible.”

“Keep them out the best you can,” I say to Margot as I open my door. I’m across the lanes of traffic, jumping over the barricade and climbing the chain link within a breath. The train tracks run adjacent to the highway, and they’re my best shot. It’s dark enough now, and I don’t give a fuck if anyone sees me, anyway.

I should have done this sooner.

The cool night air is the only thing keeping me sane as I sprint toward the compound. The crimson light of braking cars sears into my vision, matching the fiery rage I’m feeling. Someone defied me and put her in danger. Someone cost me vengeance tonight because they hate her and don’t respect me. Someone will pay with their life for inconveniencing me.

I swear when I realize I’m full of shit. Saving Gwyn is a demand. An instinct. An inevitability I cannot fight. Certainly that counts as more than an inconvenience.

I’m barely paying attention to my surroundings, imaging Gwyn curled up in the fucking bathroom. She’s probably goddamn terrified, and her racing heart will give her away. I’m lucky as hell the fledglings are sworn to me, and I’m relieved I was able to get them out of her cell; I’d loaded my voice with my influence, but it’s not something I’ve ever practiced. My father is adept, but I’ve never needed to compel anyone over the phone or non-verbally like him.

It was a risk to put Margot in charge of keeping thirsty fucks out of there, but getting to Gwyn as fast as I can is my priority.

Somehow, I’ve deemed it more important than revenge.

I found the ones who killed Remy; I should be killing them right fucking now. I don’t need her anymore.

What the fuck am I doing?

The tip of my boot hits a stray piece of gravel, and I’m off-kilter, barely able to catch myself before hitting the third rail. It probably wouldn’t kill me, but it’d sure as fuck slow me down. This is what my life has been with her in it. I should let her die just to be rid of her. Gwyn is a beautiful means to an end, that’s all. She has done nothing but distract and make me question my entire existence. She’s too dangerous to keep around.

And yet here I am, running with my goddamn heart in my throat, feeling foolish when I toss up pleas to some greater force I don’t believe in.

Not wanting to deal with going underground into the city and doubling back, I scan the area for the Metra line I know is nearby, and I’m elated when I see the overpass ahead. I jump onto the barrier and clamber up the concrete before making my way up the steel platform.

When I spot the train heading southeast, I let go, running as fast as I can. I’ve had little need to do this in so long, if I wasn’t terrified, I’d feel elated.

Catching up to it, I grab onto the last train car, flinging myself onto the roof. Sprinting and leaping each gap, I easily make it to the front. For a moment, I think about what it would be like to sit up here, laying back and staring at the sky, but when I imagine Gwyn beside me—like a fucking crazy person—it puts me back on the warpath. The brief hesitation draws my attention to my injured leg. It throbs, but there’s nothing I can do about it, not with the urgency of this situation. Nico might not have been able to get there in fifteen minutes, but using my abilities, I’m probably going to arrive even sooner. When I leap down, no horns sound out from the train, so it’s clear they don’t see me as I dart ahead.

I forbid myself from thinking about anything but my task at hand. I get off the tracks before I reach the transportation center, running down the sidewalks in a blur. Someone screams as I run past, but I don’t give a fuck. I’m only a couple of blocks away when I’m knocked on my ass at an intersection.

“Watch it, fucker!” a man yells out the window of his luxury sedan. There’s a rideshare sticker on his windshield, and logically I know he’s just trying to work, but I want to tear him apart. He drives past me, laying on his horn, and I take off again. The pull toward her is something greater than me as I put one foot in front of the other.

My phone’s ringing, and I answer it as I run the final block to my father’s building.

“Are you close?” Margot’s barely concealed panic doesn’t improve when I tell her where I am. “Hurry, Roman,” she whispers. “It might be too late.”

* * *

No,no, no,no, no, no.

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