Page 108 of Between Fear and Favor

“Your beautiful singing was just as unforgivable.”

“I’m not sor?—”

“It wasn’t just the apple I wanted to devour that day,” I said, against my better judgment. If I wasn’t careful, I’d topple headfirst into something I couldn’t come back from.

“Walt! You can’t just—” She cut herself off. I counted her breaths, paying attention to how each one grew longer and calmer. She was talking herself down, attending to her reaction, and I regretted my words.

“Nor, I—” Certain I heard a sniffle, I stopped—moving, speaking, breathing. When Nor let out a wobbly breath, I didn’t know what to do. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, it’s fine. It’s nothing you said. I’m s-sorry,” she said. “I’m fine. Everything is fine.”

“Most people who are fine don’t need to repeat it that many times to convince themselves. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong,” she whispered, but when I tried to lift her chin to look at me, she rolled, giving me her back. I slid my arm out from beneath her, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. My heart rested firmly in my stomach, knowing I’d pressed her too far with my honesty. “Wait, don’t…don’t move,” she said. “Please. I just can’t face you right now.”

She tugged my hand over her waist just as she wriggled toward me. The softer skin on the inside of my arm was on fire as it slid against her cool flesh. I jerked my hips away from her, trying to maintain as chaste an embrace as possible. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but her comfort was paramount. “Did I do something wrong?”

“I wish,” she muttered, pressing her back firmly against my chest, and I wrapped her tighter in my arms. “It would be easier.”

“What would be easier?”

“Resisting.”

Every muscle which had tensed and tightened relaxed, and I couldn’t help it as I nuzzled the back of her neck. “Nor, I have no expectations.”

“I know you don’t. It’s not your expectations I’m struggling with.” She sighed.

“The Myriad?”

“A bit. Mostly my mother. I—” she paused, breathing deep. “‘Woven in the stars, you were tenderly made to serve the gods.’”

“I don’t…I don’t follow. I’m sorry.”

“That’s what they tell us—novices. This would probably get me a month in the tomb,” she said, a soft chuckle falling from her lips.

“The tomb?”

She swallowed before clearing her throat. “I don’t know if it truly exists or not, but anyone who greatly dishonors the Myriad is sent to Lamera. There was a rumor…about a tomb. It might have just been a tale they used to keep us in line.”

“What the fuck is the tomb?”

She squeezed my hand, threading her fingers through mine.

“If I were found like this,” she started, “naked—beside another person? They’d send me to Lamera with certainty. The tomb is what it sounds like, I suppose. An obsidian prison to make a sacrifice for the gods. To prove we repent.”

“Do you know anyone who endured this?”

“Anyone who ever came back had taken the silent vow. I had a friend—she, she kissed someone. She might still be in Lamera.” The sorrow was clear in her voice. “It-it’s probably just a way to make us obey. I bet it isn’t real,” she said, shuddering. I opened my palm, rubbing my hand up her arm. Tender, I did my best to comfort her.

“You’re free from the Myriad,” I reminded her. “In truth, I wonder if Rainier will allow any of the temples to stand after everything is over. If he takes Lamera, the Seat will be the first to fall.”

“We helped people, Dewalt. It-it was certainly flawed, but there was still good. Plenty of us cared and wanted to help the people who came to pray. You would get rid of that?”

“I would get rid of anything that made you feel discomfort.”

She hummed, thoughtfully. “It’s my mind, anymore, that hurts me.” She laughed. “My shoulder too.”

Twisting to reach for my pack behind me, I fished for her salve in the depths of my bag. Unfastening the cork, I scooped a bit of the cream onto my fingertips. The shoulder which pained her was the accessible one, and when I rubbed the herbs into her skin, she groaned. The scars went down her arm farther than I realized. But, I focused on the parts I knew troubled her before wrapping my arm over her waist once more to hold her hand.

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