Page 110 of Between Fear and Favor

Chapter 49

HONOR

Relief curled in my belly,making room for itself amongst the diminishing shame and growing nervousness. Resolve had ripped up my throat, pulling my desires out of my mouth and into the air. Guilt had been a companion to nearly every thought I’d ever had of Dewalt. But, even so, I’d fought the idea that wanting him could ever be bad.

For weeks, I’d wept over what happened the day he was stabbed, blaming myself for not paying proper attention and letting that shifter hurt him. I’d let the feeling take over, supplanting any regret I might have felt over letting him touch me in the palace. It had been easier than it should have been—to dismiss guilt over that moment. I’d allowed it to stay mine, refusing to allow my mother or the Myriad to sully it. In truth, I’d thought of his hand slipping beneath my clothing, sliding between fabric and flesh, more than I’d considered prayer in recent weeks.

Entertaining thoughts of Dewalt had been its own type of prayer. His courage, his honesty, his enduring spirit? Despite the gods having taken someone he loved, he still doled out unending loyalty to those he cared about. I refused to believe, especially now, that the gods could look upon him and wonder why I felt the way I did. When his thumb brushed over the apple of my cheek, I allowed instinct to take over. Carefully swiping my lips against the side of his hand, a small kiss, I closed my eyes. Was there anything I’d ever wanted more?

It had never been untethered lust, but something richer. It was lavish, soft on my tongue, as he pressed his lips to mine. If our last kiss had been easy, this one was certain. Dewalt’s fingertips played against my nape as he held me, gently tugging at the roots of my hair. I nearly moaned when his tongue pressed against the seam of my lips. He’d held back the night before, and I had wondered if it was because of my inexperience. But if it was, he no longer cared. Opening for him, I panted as his tongue swiped into my mouth, tentative. Gently, he caressed my tongue with his, and the sensation drove me wild. I adjusted, turning and trying to lift a leg over him, but he stopped me. Hand on my hip, a gentle squeeze accompanied his groan as he pulled away.

“You’re sure you want this?” he asked.

Nodding, I squared my jaw. “I think I should know, don’t you?”

He made a sound low in his throat before claiming my mouth once more, dragging his teeth over my lower lip. “Should know what, Nor?”

“You know what.”

“I do. Part of this is talking about it. What do you want me to teach you?” he asked, voice a deep rumble which picked apart the knots in my stomach.

“How to—I want to know how to pleasure myself.” His fingertip traced up my hip, and I realized with a start that I was no longer cold. Everything was warm, and each touch licked over me like the dry heat of a fire.

“You want to learn how to come, songbird?”

“Need to,” I gasped. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t exactly sure what that meant.

“Fuck,” he swore, reaching for my hand, threading his fingers through mine. “Doesn’t feel right, touching you before you know what you like,” he gritted out. “You have to learn so you can tell me—” He cleared his throat. “So you can tell whoever you’re with.”

I frowned, but he rolled me onto my back and kissed me with fervor before I could make him clarify. Words left me when he dragged my hand beneath the fur, making me cup my breast. He swallowed my gasp and smiled against my lips. I could pinpoint exactly where his thumb brushed over the sensitive skin on the underside of my breast, and it wasn’t enough. I wished he would touch me himself. There were many things I wished for with him, and most of them revolved around the wordmore.

“I’m going to slip us into a vision,” he said, pulling back and kissing my temple. Within a moment, a soft glow of sunlight appeared through an open window. I still felt his hand over mine, warm, but I couldn’t see it. I was laying in a simple bed, the blanket beneath me just a bit fuzzier than it ought to have been, the coarse fur of the buffalo hide peeking through his divinity. I huffed a laugh as I peered down my body—fully clothed in my nightgown from the night before. Turning my head, I frowned when I realized I was by myself in the vision.

“I thought you were going to show me,” I whined.

“Patience, pigeon,” he whispered, and I felt his breath on my ear. The sensation was both titillating and disorienting. “You need to explore first.”

“I could have done that without the vision,” I argued.

“Would you prefer the cold, damp furs? I’m trying to make this nicer for you.”

I laughed, rubbing my pinky over the side of his hand. It felt strange when the incorporeal version of my body responded too. “Fine. Now what?”

“So demanding.” Another kiss against my temple, and I wondered if it was too much—too sweet, too satisfying. Could I die from his touch? “Think about what parts of your body feel good when you touch them. When you wash your body or…explore it.”

“Uh, I—” I searched for my resolve, only taking a moment to remind myself how desperately I needed this. “All right. My breasts and…and between my legs.”

“Those are the obvious ones, Nor. Anywhere else?”

“I suppose, ah, my neck.”

His nose nuzzled against the part in question, right beneath my ear, and it took everything in me not to reach for him.

“Fuck, I need to stop touching you.” He pulled his hand from mine, but I didn’t have time to pout about it. “I want you to touch the places I tell you, taking your time if it feels good.” My stomach tightened in anticipation as he adjusted beside me. “Ear,” he started, and I obeyed, listening as he told me to trace the shell of it with my fingertip. When I shook my head, he didn’t question it, merely telling me to move on to my neck. I didn’t have to explain that, because of what happened to my ears, I didn’t want to touch them. “Gently press at your nape and massage.”

“Feels nice,” I said, keeping my eyes closed. “Not…not in that way, though.”

“Collarbone.” Tracing my fingertips over that divot, I sighed, imagining Dewalt touching me there.

---