Page 115 of Between Fear and Favor

“Gods, how many soldiers did he bring with him?” Rain muttered as he glanced across the square to the Seat. The obsidian building reached into the sky, the sunlight catching on the stained glass windows. We’d been ushered through the building rather quickly before, but I’d loved the way the colorful light had beaten down on the wood floors. The obsidian had greatly hindered my divinity, making me feel as if I was stuck, but the beautiful show of color had helped me avoid panic. “He expects a fight. If we don’t give him one, he’ll take his time. A distraction to the east is our best bet.”

I wished I could see that rainbow of color now, because my mouth had gone dry, and breathing had become difficult.

“Rain, what if he succeeds? What if the Supreme raises Iemis, and the god helps him destroy everything? He said he wanted to rule, but Cyran’s vision...”

I trailed off, not knowing what to do with myself. The fear was taking over, making my heart slam a throbbing beat within my skull.

Somehow, Rain was calm. He stood at the window, taking in every detail of our surroundings with strategic consideration.

Gods, he was handsome. His breeches were snug, the muscles of his thighs thick once more since escaping Folterra. I allowed myself to appreciate the curve of his ass as he studied the imposing building we’d soon be sneaking into.

As his long legs brought him over, his confidence and smile worked hard to charm me. His emerald-green shirt was unbuttoned at the top, a haphazardness I found endearing. His gaze roamed over me, and he put his hands on my waist. Pulling me close, he whispered against my neck.

“You’ve never cowered before the gods, and today would be a terribly inconvenient time to start.”

I laughed, though I knew he was only trying to distract me. I wanted it to work, but I simply couldn’t push those dark thoughts aside. “Rain, what if we die?”

“Then we find each other again in the next life. And then the one after that.” He seemed so tired. The bags beneath his eyes mirrored mine, and he had earned his own wrinkles between his brows. I wasn’t sure if it was a trick of the light that showed me a few grey strands in his curls, right at his temples. I’d found a new one of my own just the other day. Despite our slower aging because of our divine bond, it seemed stress did what it wanted.

“I much prefer this life,” I said, peering up at him.

“And we’ll do whatever we can to keep it.” Gently, he snaked his hand into my hair and pulled me closer. When his soft lips met mine, I closed my eyes. With reverence, Rain kissed me—long and lingering. As if he might never get to do it again.

And it was that realization which sent a shudder through me. I wrapped my arms around him with careless abandon and pulled him close. Opening for him, I parted my lips and deepened the kiss. This could be the last time the two of us shared such a moment.

I thought I would have been used to it by this point. Each morning we woke could have been our last together. But knowing Rain planned to distract the soldiers by himself scared me to death. What if the Supreme’s guard found him? What if he was overpowered? Nipping at his mouth, my body protested at the idea. He returned the bite, tugging my lower lip between his teeth, likely objecting to my part as well. With my stature, it would be easier for me to blend in as a novice, right beneath the Supreme’s nose.

Rain picked me up, and I wrapped my legs around him. He pressed my body against the door, my soft curves contouring to each hard muscle. His hands roamed down my sides as he pinned me, and I couldn’t contain my moan.

“’I love you’ isn’t enough,” I panted, repeating the words we’d said so many months before. He lowered his head, teeth grazing the top of my breast, and I raked my nails down his back. Each movement between us was pure desperation, and all I wanted was more time.

“I am yours, Emmeline,” he said, sprinkling soft kisses down my neck. “In each lifetime, I am yours, as you are mine.”

I stifled a sob as I tilted my head back against the wooden door, allowing him better access. Thinking about a future without him, waiting the rest of my life to die and find him again, didn’t seem feasible. It was certainly not an option for me, though I wouldn’t voice it.

If I lost Rain, I didn’t trust myself not to follow after him.

The novice garmentsVeda procured didn’t fit either of us. The set she’d retrieved for me might have fit a child, and ones she brought Rain wouldn’t fit him either. But they fit me. I hated the idea of Rain wandering the streets of Lamera without some sort of disguise, but he needed it less than I did. The pants were too loose and far too long. Veda had helped me roll them at the ankles, but I wasn’t confident as I walked along the narrow alley. The tunic was comfortable, if a little large, but the headpiece was easily the worst part. Only my eyes remained visible, and the fabric covering my mouth made it difficult to breathe.

But it kept me safe. It kept me anonymous. When Rain headed east, his own hood pulled far over his face, I hadn’t allowed myself to stare after him. Instead, when I noticed two novices running late for their curfew, I followed after them. Veda had given us valuable information about the schedule the Myriad adhered to, and if I didn’t get inside within the next quarter hour, I would have to wait until morning or risk punishment.

I needed to hurry.

Thankfully, one of the novices had taken the vow of silence. The other muttered a quick hello, but when I only nodded, she didn’t ask questions. It seemed safest to allow them to think I’d also taken the vow. I didn’t want to misspeak and expose myself for a fraud.

“Oh, thank the gods. It’s Juliet at the door.” The novice slowed as we rounded the corner, and she caught her breath. The silent one beside her matched her pace, and they both seemed relieved.

I wouldn’t have noticed the small door if not for the Myriad Mistress standing in front of it. Nestled between a bush and a divine statuary, it blended into the opulently designed facade of the obsidian behemoth that was the Myriad Seat.

“Late again, are we?” the mistress scolded, but she smiled fondly at the two novices. To me, she gave a bit of a grimace, but I hoped I was only imagining it. Her garments were far more decorated than the masters and mistresses I’d seen in Astana. I tried not to stare as she escorted us inside, pulling the door shut behind her and sliding locks into place. The oppressive obsidian weight tamped down my divinity, and I ground my teeth at the sensation. “Sabrina, this is the third time this week you’ve nearly missed curfew. I have a chore to do, and you’ll help before bed.”

When the other two novices hurried down the hall, not bothering to look back, I realized she had been speaking to me.

Shit.

I stopped, bowing my head as I waited for her to finish with the locks. In the meantime, I begged the gods to hear my pleas. If Sabrina hadn’t taken the vow of silence, and I refused to speak, I would certainly have a problem.

Mistress Juliet stepped forward, her small lantern guiding us down a corridor away from the other two novices.

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