Page 122 of Between Fear and Favor

“I think it was a good decision to let her nap, don’t you, girl?”

“Very much,” Nor said, and quieter, she muttered, “It must run in the family.”

Saski, with her bat-like ears—well-equipped for gossip—heard her, and she howled with laughter. “I like her,” she said, cackling, before helping Nor down from behind me.

“I like you too,” Nor said, and I swallowed as I noticed her pinked cheeks. She was so fucking adorable; it was painful sometimes.

Ushering us inside, Saski put on a kettle and sent Luka off to change the baby’s nappy and lay them down, citing his need for practice.

Though we’d said little on the ride here, it was easier between us than I thought it would have been. Saski didn’t treat me as if I’d been gone for a dozen years, even if I would have deserved every bit of her vexation. I’d been keeping her at arm’s length, and for what reason? Was it that I hated to see her pity, not wanting to find solace in her comfort? Or was it something bigger? Was it something I didn’t want to analyze?

“Where is Magnus?” I asked, clearing my throat as I kicked my boots off at the door. Saski had a strict rule about shoes when Luka and his younger sister were babies, and I imagined that hadn’t changed with the new one. No dirt in the mouths of babes.

Nor toed her own off, grabbing onto my arm for support. Saski’s eyes narrowed on the touch as she answered me.

“With your boy at the Lowry’s stable, tending to your wounded horse.”

“You—Dewalt, I thought you—she’s here?” Nor’s hand tightened on my arm.

“You slept through all that? I knew you were exhausted, but gods…Why do you think we didn’t have our horses this morning? I made Dickey bring them here for tending after we got to the outpost. Wasn’t risking them in the snow overnight, and we had to get out of the cold,” he said.

“You made Dickey ride by himself that far?”

“He did just fine, didn’t he?” I shrugged. “Hewasn’t the one who jumped into the water after you, Nor.”

Her brows pinched together and her mouth screwed up into a tight frown, and I grinned at her. She made it so fun to poke at her.

“Have some bread,” Saski interrupted, shooting another glance at Nor’s grip on my arm before her eyes met mine. I loved my sister, but gods, was she nosy. She always had been. Though my cheeks reddened over the correct conclusions she was coming to, a part of me missed that. I’d created a family of my own with Rainier and his sister, and now Emma, but it wasn’t the same.

“Thank you so much. Skies, I’m afraid our stomachs would have woken the baby with all the grumbling they’re doing,” Nor said, rushing to follow Saski into the kitchen. Nearly a head taller than my sister, Nor slathered butter on the bread as Saski cut it, the two of them working together with ease. Simple—like they’d known each other forever. I sighed.

Things with Nor had been easy in recent days—despite being attacked and nearly dying. I didn’t let myself entertain the thoughts, knowing there would be no shortage of attacks and near-death experiences, and glanced around the kitchen. The only thing which had changed was that Magnus had finally added a mantle over the hearth.

“So, why did you leave the Myriad? I mean, it makes sensenow, given the war,” Saski said, gesturing for Nor to sit at the table. “But the boy said you haven’t been a novice for months.”

That ginger-headed brat had given my sister entirely too much information. I wondered if she’d been wary, suspicious of Nor in the same way I once had been. Nor was wringing her hands beneath the table as I sat down, and I wanted to pull them into my grasp to calm her.

“It’s a very long story, what led me to stepping away, but I don’t think my heart was ever truly in it,” Nor confessed, and that was when she finally turned to look at me. Her hair was still down, though she’d frantically brushed it with my comb, and the red tunic she wore brightened her features. She was absolutely breathtaking, and it was an effort to school my features so my sister would keep her mouth shut. “My mother was the reason I became a novice in the first place, but it was never…I hate saying this since she’s gone, but the only thing I liked about it was helping people.”

“Well, isn’t that what it’s supposed to be, though?” Saski asked, pouring herself a glass of water before passing the pitcher to me. “Helping people?”

“Yes, but it’s not. It’s about…servitude. It’s about power,” Nor said, hands clenching into fists. “I can help people without the Myriad. And, I think perhaps…I think I’ve come to realize I can have my own relationship with the gods without all the rules.” She sucked her lower lip between her teeth, nodding as if to convince herself. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately,” she said, stretching her hands out. “Isn’t it greater proof of my faith to have a choice and still choose to worship them? Even if it’s not the way I’ve been taught?”

My heart sank, and along with it went the silly notion that things could ever be easy between us. Nor had just been given the ability to choose, and Lu’s prophetic bullshit would take it away. Even if I told her about it, even if she knew Lu’s words had fucked me in the head for weeks, it would still affect her choice when it came to me. The only way for her to be truly free was for me to maintain my silence.

Saski tilted her head, reaching her hand across the table. To my surprise, Nor lifted hers and placed it in my sister’s palm. Thoughtful, Saski squeezed Nor’s hand and sighed deeply. “I think you understand it better than most. Truth be told, I don’t think the gods care all that much about how we earn their favor—just that we try.”

Nor smiled, and it broke my fucking heart. She was going to thrive with her newfound independence, and I selfishly hoped I was part of the reason for this breakthrough; the night we shared together could be a happy memory which helped push her toward a different relationship with the gods. One that served her and made her feel happy and fulfilled.

Saski turned her dark eyes on me, and I averted mine, staring at the table. Nowhere in this room was safe for me. I’d kept Saski at arm’s length, and I’d have to keep Nor at a distance too. Letting go, my sister pushed back from the table, eyes never leaving me.

“Just remember this, Nor, with your newfound ability to choose. A lot of times, we don’t get it right. We’re human, after all.” She turned a smile toward Nor, warm and welcoming. “What’s important is acknowledging our mistakes and choosing differently the next time.”

Chapter 53

LAVENIA

Closingmy eyes and taking a deep breath, I knew I had to do as Smokkar said. If I didn’t confront Estri, her daughters would die. Without water, their gasping sounds filled the silence and tugged on each raw nerve in my mind. My leg still dangled into the hole while water rushed down over my thigh, and I did my best to stay put. If I stopped fighting against it, the current would drag me down with ease.

---