Page 123 of Between Fear and Favor

“Go on, Lavenia. There’s no sense in fighting it,” Smokkar drawled. His pale body appeared godlike—and with a deep sense of dread, I realized he nearly was. With long, glowing hair and lean muscles, he could have been Aonara’s child. But it was another who had birthed him. Estri was a goddess with unimaginable power, and I was about to face her wrath.

Despite selfishly planning my own escape, I’d ended up trying to save Mairin instead, and this was where it had gotten me. But did I regret it? Perhaps I deserved more from those around me, but I could not change the fundamental part of me that cared. I didn’t need to be useful to feel needed as I’d once thought; I behaved as I didfor me.

Because I cared so deeply for others and wanted to make their lives easier. Who was I if I didn’t adhere to my morals? During my time here, I’d been considering changing that aspect of myself. I could have forgotten Vesta or my brother—everything but my own needs. But that wasn’t right either. I prided myself on my loyalty and care for others.

Yet I didn’t hold myself to that same standard—putting myself after everyone else. And it had only been to my detriment.

I couldn’t think of that while I mulled over my decision. No matter what happened next, no matter what Estri would do to me, I couldn’t sacrifice the ideals which had formed me as a person.

I would face Estri to save the dying seaborn around me. I would face Estri to protect Mairin. Not because I missed her or because she deserved me; because it wasright.

Swallowing hard, I nodded. The sting in my nose was my only sign of fear, and I promptly dismissed it with a sniffle. If I met my end today, I would do it with my head held high. There would be dignity in it.

But what if she offered me a choice? What if Estri sought to take my dignity by making me her bed servant? Would my pride be worth my life?

It was almost worse to think she’d offer me options. If I died to help Mairin, then so be it. Though I doubted the merrow and everything the two of us had shared, I didn’t doubt my character. I was reliable in my honor and would not forsake it. But if the goddess made me choose between death and serving Estri? It would be a difficult decision. I might have told Mairin in the beginning that I’d fuck her mother to get what I wanted, but the words echoed hollow in my ears now.

Regardless, I had a choice: face the Sea Queen with composure, or allow her to drag me before her for judgment.

My eyes met Smokkar’s icy blue ones. His throat bobbed, and he nodded. Despite what he’d tried to do, harming me to force Mairin into action, in one thing we were united. The Sea Queen was unmatched in power aside from the gods who no longer walked our lands. She was certainly angry with me for leaving my chambers, for finding out she was a goddess, for denying her; I would be lucky if my death was swift.

I stopped fighting against the water.

Slipping through the stone hole, the water’s force made my hips glide through with ease. I fell for a moment before landing in the water below me. My hand clenched Rhia’s comb tightly, pressing the sharp tines into my skin. It hurt, but the sting was an anchor to my racing thoughts.

“My jewel,” Estri murmured as I sank toward the scattered pieces of shipwreck below. She was in her merrow form—or so I assumed. The Sea Queen had mentioned it before, but I’d never seen it. Her tail was nearly black, its opalescent gleam barely visible by the moonpearls’ light, and it was far longer than any of the other merrow’s tails. Like a serpent, it wound in a circle beneath her, carefully moving over the sharpened planks of wood and discarded treasure littering the ground. Her sharply angled face was contorted into a frown, and her eyes were covered by the black protective membrane. Estri appeared fearsome, and my skin prickled despite my comfortable temperature.

“Please do not call me that,” I said, attempting to match her stern tone. I was still a guest in her realm, and though I hadn’t been expressly forbidden to leave my chambers, it had been implied. There had been a guard who stood at my door, after all, but perhaps I could feign ignorance.

“Why are you out so late?” she asked, and her head tilted unnaturally to the side. The worst part about her eyes was that they never seemed to blink. There was no need, so I could only stare at their dark gleam and hope for mercy.

“Where is Mairin?”

“You braved the waters alone to find the woman who betrayed you?”

“Yes.”

“The woman who turned you over to me in exchange for her pendant?”

“I am aware of what she did.”

I could feel the water shift around me, Estri’s influence on it dragging me closer. Though parts of my dress had torn off during my struggle against her current, it was mostly intact as it swirled around me. I could feel the water caress my thighs, my stomach, my ass, and I flinched at Estri’s divine assault. The current tugged at my dress, and with a detached horror, I knew my time was up. I would have to take a stand, and worse things than death might await me. When the water started to feel colder near my breasts, I crossed my arms.

Vile, the Sea Queen clearly did not intend to treat me with dignity. She watched me with a predator’s gaze, using her power to bring my body level with hers. I refused to avert my eyes.

“You forgive her,” she said.

“I made no such claim.”

“But you wanted to help her.”

“Yes.” In the end, that was what I’d intended. Did it matter if I’d started out planning to use her guilt to my advantage?

Estri reached a long, pale limb towards me. When her fingertip lifted my chin, forcing me to look down my nose at her, I wasn’t surprised by her skin’s texture. Rough, it was like that of a shark. I wondered what advantage it offered such creatures. Impenetrability? Speed? It didn’t matter. Estri smiled, and I felt as if a shark’s maw would have been preferable.

“This is why I need you here, my treasure.”

“To trap me like the rest of them?” I snapped.

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