Page 152 of Between Fear and Favor

“All right,” I said, nodding. How could I argue?

I stared up at him, words dying on my tongue. He was so handsome. In the late morning light, I could see the dried path of tears on his cheeks. His ever-shifting eyes were bright, almost green as he looked down at me. His hands in mine had gone still, no longer shaking, and gently, he loosened his grasp.

Slowly, so frightfully slow, his hands lifted—and I sucked in a breath as they cradled my face.

“I’m in love with you, Elora. I think I have been since I met you; I just didn’t understand it until it was too late.”

Before I could respond, before I could tell him I thought I loved him too, his lips met mine. Soft and far too brief, his gentle kiss meant everything to me.

He pulled away for only a breath, then kissed me again. And I knew it for what it was—a goodbye.

Chapter 68

HONOR

“He’s ready to see you,”Dickey said, standing in my doorway. I gave him my back, only wearing my shift. I’d insisted he come the moment Dewalt was ready for me, no matter the time.

When soldiers had begun to arrive at the fortress, returning from where they’d run for safety, I’d fetched the healer immediately. Dewalt’s panic and fear had led him to pulling the dart out of his leg without any care, and I worried about the damage caused. But because of where the wound was on his thigh, I’d been dismissed by the healer for his privacy. Though I’d looked to Dewalt for some sort of intervention, the invitation to stay, he hadn’t made eye contact with me since I’d brought the conduit and other soldiers to help him.

So, I’d left, with ringing ears and a cold tightening of my chest. I’d tried not to think much of it—he was in some sort of shock, I supposed—but there had been a sinking feeling I hadn’t been able to shake until Dickey’s soft knock on my door.

“Finally,” I said, taking my brush to my damp hair. A bathing tub had been brought to me shortly after I’d arrived in my room, with scullery maids who filled it with steaming hot water from the kitchen down the hall. Though the idea of cleansing my hair from the wretched scent of smoke had been appealing, I’d protested. But they had insisted,on orders from the duke. Ever since, the worry over his physical health had dissipated, but fear over his mind had gripped me. Snatching my dressing gown from the end of my bed, I pulled it on.

The red-haired boy in my doorway looked exhausted, covered in sweat and ash from helping clear the armory. His crossed arms appeared a bit bulkier, and I smiled when I realized he’d begun to put on muscle. He’d been complaining about how skinny he was ever since he’d failed to make an impression on Saski’s daughter. He hadn’t listened to me when I’d told him that wouldn’t matter to the right person. Dickey shook his head, pushing his tongue against his cheek. “I think you should wait until tomorrow, though.”

“Why?” My stomach tightened.

“Just don’t think he’s in the right state of mind.”

“He seemed calm enough when I left.”

“It’s not that.” He swiped at his nose, refusing to meet my eyes. “I think I’ve said enough. If you want to go tonight, I’ll escort you. But I’d advise against it.”

My next breath was shallow, and I wrapped my arms around my body. Part of me wanted to listen to Dickey, to wait until the morning and allow him some time. But Dewalt’s words, when he’d been gasping for air and saying something about his heart, about how hecouldn’t, had set me on edge ever since. Was it selfish for me to visit because I needed peace?

Dewalt had left the fortress to avoid me, and then he’d saved my life. I had suspicions about his state of mind, and I needed to see if I was correct, regardless of Dickey’s warning. Within a few moments, I was padding down the corridor to his chambers. The soft leather shoes I wore had been gifted to me by Marella, and I was grateful for their warmth as a draft ripped through the fabric of my dressing gown. Though the breeze coming from the Mahowin Strait had been warm, I felt frozen to my core.

“I would like to remind you I said this was a bad idea,” Dickey said before rapping on the door. I only glared at him.

“Come in.” The low timbre of Dewalt’s voice washed over me, warm and calm. To hear him speak normally, without the tinge of panic behind his words, was a weight lifted.

“Would you like me to wait to escort her back?” Dickey asked, cracking open the door.

Dewalt stood over Raj’s desk, hands planted on its surface as he looked down at the parchment scattered over it. He wore a work shirt, crisp white, with the drawstring loosened at the top. Copper skin—clean from a bath, it seemed—appeared warm and inviting. Iknewit was warm and inviting, as I’d curled up against it in the earth lodge. But when he didn’t lift his eyes to look at me, I banished all thoughts about his skin.

“I can manage myself,” I said, narrowing my eyes at the back of Dickey’s head.

“You heard her,” Dewalt said, not looking up. No hint of a smile graced his features, and my stomach churned. I’d been right. The worry which had swirled in my belly ever since I’d seen him last was justified.

I’d been a fool.

Shoving past Dickey with my heart in my throat, I stood on the other side of the desk from Dewalt. He was alive—standing. I could only thank Rhia that the Silence had strayed from her usual choice of poison. His jaw was tight, and when he finally looked up, it wasn’t at me. He raised a brow, waiting for Dickey to shut the door as he left.

“I’m sorry for today. I was overwhelmed,” he said, voice flat. He shuffled the papers on his desk, going through the correspondence he’d received while visiting the encampments.

“There is nothing to apologize for,” I said. “I’m just glad you’re all right.”

He finally lifted his chin to look at me. His brown eyes appeared dark in the lamplight, almost like obsidian. The lines of his face, so used to slipping into smiles, were tight and unmoving. He swallowed, eyes narrowing slightly, and everything within me fractured as he spoke.

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