Page 48 of Between Fear and Favor

“Back in the tunnel!” I roared as one of Penellion’s men jumped down from the hillside. When I lunged forward, slamming my sword into his stomach, she listened.

Chapter 24

RAINIER

With great force,Em shut the study door behind her. The sigh which escaped her was heavy, and she collapsed into one of the plush chairs on the edge of the room. She didn’t greet me, didn’t smile, and only closed her eyes in exhaustion. My wife had been preparing for Cethina’s return all day, and I knew the sound of the horns would have sent her scrambling to the healing tent.

“Since you’re here, I assume she has not begun?” I asked, taking my spectacles off. Reading by candlelight, even of the divine variety, strained my eyes, but I hated to wear the spectacles. A vain part of me hadn’t wanted Em to see me wear them, the reminder that my vision wasn’t as good as it used to be only drawing attention to all the time we’d wasted apart.

“She hasn’t, no. But the number of wounded is already increasing. Rain, you need to let me take a dragon out.” Exasperated, she propped her head in her hands. “I know you’ve been unable to get close to her, but?—”

“I’vefailedto get close to her, is what you mean.”

“I didn’t say that.” At this, she finally looked up. Her brows crinkled, and her mouth tightened. “She is their fiercest weapon. Of course, they position her so it’s impossible to get to her. That’s why I want to take a dragon out. If we are rid of Cethina, the blight is gone, and I can heal the other soldiers faster. The less time they’re gone, the more soldiers we have out there.”

I sat back in my chair, fingers steepled in front of me. After my council meeting, which had lasted far longer than it ought to have, I’d been poring over my father’s documents. I was hoping to find something to help me make sense of Cyran’s letter. I’d grown frustrated, between high ranking members of the court complaining about their cramped quarters and reading my father’s incoherent ramblings. But with Em, I made sure to dismiss those feelings and take her request seriously. Unleashing the dragons was a risk to her, and the very thought of losing one and hurting her made me sick to my gods damn stomach. But, I knew she had a point. Cethina was a force to be reckoned with, and every day, I wished I’d killed her when I had the chance.

When my betrothal with Keeva had been announced, Cethina had been sent in Nereza’s stead to accept the agreement, and it would have been so easy to end her right then and there. At the time, there had been no cause. But now, I wished I would have had some sort of foresight. I wondered how my father’s seer stayed in the position for so long. As far as royal advisors went, he was useless. If I had procured my own seer back then, it might have been different. But I hadn’t wanted to look into a future that didn’t include the woman who sat across from me. Her golden-brown hair had grown dull, and despite her bath the night before, the sweat and grime had already coated her.

“Which dragon?” I asked, not allowing myself to outright deny her. This argument would keep coming up until the siege was over.

Her eyes lit, and she sat up straight. “Lux and Ifash,” she said without hesitation. She’d already thought of this. “I suppose Irses would come along too, or else he might tear down the whole palace. Although, if Irses comes, then?—”

“Ryo will not leave his side. So that makes four dragons. Em, I know what you’re after, but?—”

“I’m after ending this siege, or at the very least, maiming their forces. I’m after protecting Astana, Rain.”

“As am I.”

She rolled her lips in, biting the plump flesh. Her hands twisted in her lap, and she looked down.

“Go on. Say what you need to say, Em.”

“I think you’re being selfish.”

I swallowed, running my hand over my face. It was the one argument which would strike to the core of me. It was my duty to protect Vesta, and so far, I’d failed at it.

“Em, we can’t risk?—”

“We can risk me, if it means ending this siege. I know you don’t mean to put us before our people?—”

“I definitely intend to put you before our people,” I countered.

“Rain. Stop it,” she said, though a smile twisted her lips. “I know you don’t mean that. But, without?—”

“Emmeline. I do mean that. Yes, our people are important, and ordinarily, I shouldn’t put you first,” I began, but without hesitation, added, “I would, because you’re mine, and you are my entire reason for fucking living.” She only glared at me, and I wished to reach out and smooth that furrow between her brows. “But you are theBeloved. More than just the people of Astana count on you, Em.”

She frowned before sitting back and rubbing her arms.

“Are you cold, dear heart?’

“No.”

“What if I rode Lux?” I asked. There was little I disliked more than how much misery my answer brought her, and I sought to fix it. I hated the idea of something happening to Lux, and it causing Em pain, but at least she’d be safely tucked within the city walls.

“She’s never even letmeride her.”

“Wonder where she gets that from,” I said, breathing out a frustrated laugh.

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