Page 59 of Between Fear and Favor

“Whose chest did you see in Folterra?”

My breath caught. His quick concern made me feel something I probably shouldn’t have. “No one. I just meant...I just meant my life is very different now than it was then.” Though his shoulders relaxed, his brow arched in demand. Like he didn’t believe me. “I swear. Actually—erm—I’ve only seen one man’s chest before.”

Wicked. That was the only word to describe it. The curve of his mouth, the touch of his tongue to his teeth. His exact expression was alluring enough to make one act against the gods—I was sure of it. Wars fought in Hanwen’s name had been started for less. I closed my eyes to the assault, and was only punished further when I remembered the taste of his lips, followed swiftly by the gentle touch of his fingertips as they parted my skin and pressed inside me. And the desire for him to do it again nearly overwhelmed me.

“You’ve only seen me?” he asked, leaning back in the basin. I would have thought he was intentionally flexing his muscles if it weren’t the fact I knew his body was all toned strength without showing off.

“Yes,” I said, and my voice was far huskier than it should have been. When his gaze grew heated, the only sound in the room the crackle of fire, I rushed to fill the silence. “I-I suppose I might have seen the chest of some soldiers before they—before they died. But they were usually covered—I’m sorry. Is it strange that I’ve only?—”

“You’ve never let your gaze linger,” he said. “Go ahead, Nor. Look your fill.”

And gods forgive me, but I did as he said. His chest was smooth and hairless—not like other men who had hair curling up from the top of their shirts. I liked that for some reason. His body shone, the small drops of water on his skin catching the light. My cheeks heated when I looked at his small, dark nipples. But my gaze was quickly drawn to the scar above his heart. A little lighter than his natural skin tone, it appeared well-healed. It brought back painful memories, despite the fact he sat here, alive and acting like himself—no,acting betterthan he’d ever been with me. But it wasn’t enough. The mark was a reminder of yet another thing I was responsible for. I blinked away the emotions it unveiled.

“Nor,” he said, clearing his throat. “Please, don’t.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, voice watery. Though I’d promised myself I wouldn’t apologize again, I hadn’t expected to see the evidence so clearly.

“Look away,” he ordered, and I obeyed.

He climbed out of the tub, and his footsteps moved toward the small chair which held a thin linen towel. A moment later, his bare feet came into view where I stared at the floor. Before I could react, he sat on my side of the bed, the towel wrapped tightly around him. Suddenly, the handsome, naked man’s hip pressed against my blanketed leg. If I hadn’t been so full of sorrow over what had happened to him, I might have been tempted to reach out and touch the hard planes of his body. But instead, my chin wobbled as I held back tears. When I’d taken my bath, I’d been tempted to cry because of everything that had happened, but knowing he was just on the other side of the door, I’d managed to keep them at bay. Now though, my guilt threatened me with blurry vision and a choked feeling in my throat.

“I’m the one who should be sorry, Honor,” he said, and I lifted my head, my full name unfamiliar on his tongue. His hair was damp, mostly dry from how long he had lingered in the bath. That beautiful smile was gone, replaced by a crooked frown. “I should never have treated you like I did.” And then his hand was reaching out, cupping my face, mirroring what I’d done to him the night before. “I’ve been meaning to tell you that for a while now, but I never really felt like it was a good time. But I am sorry, Nor. You are kind and good and you’ve been through so much. I acted like an ass, and you didn’t deserve that.”

“No, I didn’t,” I agreed after a moment’s pause, leaning into his touch. “I forgive you,” I added. The moment he’d lashed out, I knew it came from a place of hurt and fear. I’d forgiven him the moment he did it, and again each time he’d been cold afterward. If there was one thing I could thank the Myriad for, it was that understanding. Many came to the temple in desperation, hoping the gods would listen if they only prayed in a holy place. Those harsh emotions, making people feel unsafe or weak even, were unforgiving.

Dewalt had nearly died, and someone who stole my face had been the one to do it. Of course, he had been cruel.

“I won’t do it again,” he said, and his eyes darted to my mouth.

“No, you won’t,” I agreed again, and my tongue had a mind of its own when I licked my lower lip. I was certain he was about to kiss me, and I would have been lost. It was too soon to trust him with that, and I didn’t want what happened in the princess’ chambers to happen again. I couldn’t bear to repeat the moment when regret had painted his features sharp and he’d barked harsh words at me. So when Dickey banged on the door, shouting about a disagreement in the tavern, I jumped backward, grateful for the interruption. Dewalt made no such move, only dropping his hand from my face as he continued to watch me.

At Dickey’s second knock, Dewalt gave a gruff, “Hold the fuck on,” before standing. And when he turned towards his clothing, I ate up the vision of his muscled torso, looking my fill.

The line of his tattoo, the constellation of stars trailing down his back, brought my eyes downward. As my gaze tracked over the curve of his taut, muscled bottom, I decided it wasn’t enough.

Chapter 29

RAINIER

There wasa family huddled in the middle of the square.

Just north of the Wend, but close enough that Em would have evacuated them, a woman knelt. She pulled her two small children toward her, burying their heads in her chest. With sunrise approaching, a dense mist had taken over, making it hard to see. The woman’s ginger hair was mussed, as if she’d been dragged out of her bed, but I couldn’t tell if they were injured.

I’d already rifted and taken care of the enemy archers on my walls, waiting to pick off my soldiers as they were pushed northward by the Nythyrians who had scaled our walls and broken down our wards. And when the rifts opened around us, more soldiers pouring out, it was clear what they wanted to do. I’d done everything I could to avoid it.

But I had to ruin our own defense by destroying the walls—making the ground rumble and bury what had stood for millennia. I would not have my soldiers backed into a corner.

But now, there was not a single soldier in sight as we moved south to meet our own. We crept down an alleyway, and I was confused by the sight before me. Debris and bodies littered the ground, and there was no one else in the middle of the square. So quiet, the only sound I heard was the muffled wailing of the toddler clutched to the woman’s chest.

“What the fuck is she doing?” Lasu asked, as he crept forward on my left. Without Dewalt, Lasu had quickly taken on the responsibility of defending my weaker side. Though it was his left eye missing, and he’d joked that perhaps he ought to be on my right, I had every confidence in the man.

“Don’t move,” I warned, certain it was some sort of trap. Gone were the sounds of my soldiers who had rushed to defend their city the moment the horns blared. I couldn’t understand where they’d gone. And the family huddled in the square, just beside an upended cart, made no sense either. No one seemed to be holding them captive, and yet the mother’s body shook as if she were stifling sobs, and the toddler continued to cry.

Spotting a trellis leading to the top of an abandoned tavern, I motioned for Lasu to climb it with me. I didn’t want to open a rift and risk drawing the attention of whatever the woman was fearful of. Quietly, we climbed to the roof, avoiding weather-rotted tiles beneath our feet. It was still dark, though pockets of fire had started in the Wend, and the mist made it nearly impossible to see.

“There’s a ward there,” Lasu pointed out, noting the blood-drawn circle in the center of the square. Well, I wasn’t meant to rift into it, that was for certain.

The newborn at the woman’s chest let out a piercing shriek, and she fearfully shushed it. At this angle, I was better able to see the shroud of shadows twirling around them, indistinguishable from the mist this early in the morning.

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