Page 77 of Between Fear and Favor

She said nothing, struggling to catch her breath as she wept.

The rustle of folding wings behind me was the only warning I had before Irses let out a keening lament, the sound so much more sorrowful than any roar I’d ever heard from him. He had landed so carefully, I hadn’t known he was there. Quietly, he drifted closer, standing over us. He was enormous in his new form, shading us from the morning sun.

Slowly, he lay down, curving his body around us. Somehow, I knew he was trying to defend us from any other enemies. My heart tore anew, recalling the way they preferred to sleep—the smaller dragon tucked safely under Irses’ wings. As the dragon settled, he spread his wings wide, folding Ryo beneath his protection one final time.

Chapter 38

LAVENIA

“Where is Fox?”I asked the selkie currently serving as my guard. He had listened to Estri’s orders on Fiona’s ship and been the one who tossed Mairin over the side. Not a good start to our relationship, I had to admit. His disdainful stare did little to improve it. “Pink, very tiny in her seaborn form, quiet, servant to the Sea Queen?”

“I have almost earned my pendant. I will not jeopardize that by answering your questions.”

I watched him with narrowed eyes. He’d been kind enough to take his more humanoid form—had even wrapped a cloth around his waist for modesty. But, it didn’t matter. If he had planned on being useless to speak to, I might have preferred his seaborn form.

“You have to earn it?”

“Yes. I would like to see the land so as to better appreciate what I have here.” It sounded like he had the words memorized.

“You have two legs—now, anyway. Why can’t you just go like this?”

“The sea will not allow it.”

“What? How can—that doesn’t make sense.”

“I must earn Her Majesty’s trust. Then the waves will part and allow me to visit the land. Otherwise, the current would just drag me back. It is the same if I were to lose my pendant while on land. The sea wouldn’t welcome me without it.”

“And you want to leave that badly? That you’d do her bidding without question?”

He only turned wide eyes toward me. Shoulders slumping, he bowed his head. But he did not speak, holding a finger to his lips.

Perhaps they were all stuck here.

“Where is Foxglove?” I whispered.

He ignored me and left once more. I wondered what would happen if I followed him, but I hadn’t quite worked up the nerve. Between him and the sallow-faced merrow from the night of the ball, I had grown to miss the lovely, pink friend of mine desperately.

Estri still hadn’t given me back my pocket of air over a week later, and I hadn’t left my chambers. Truly, I hadn’t realized the lack of gravity could be so torturous. It was incredibly difficult to fall asleep whilst floating.

Smokkar’s words had repeated in my mind for days, and I was certain I’d be thrown into that lifeless coral cell at any moment. I’d done nothing wrong, but Estri was clearly unhappy with me. I wished she would just do whatever she wanted to do and get it over with. But perhaps Estri was more creature than human. Maybe she still had a natural inclination to toy with her prey. But, even if that were the case, as long as she didn’t withdraw her armies from my brother, I hadn’t failed.

What did that mean in the grand scheme of my life? I hadn’t failed him or Vesta, but had I failed myself?

Morosely, I wondered how my brother would react if I never returned. He couldn’t know that my time here wasn’t exactly willing. Even if he knew, there was nothing he could do. Though Rainier and Emmeline possessed vast divinity, it wasn’t as if they could empty the entire ocean to find me. Would they even bother? Though I loved and respected my older brother—and knew he felt that same love for me—would he risk war with Estri?

I hoped not. Even if only for my pride.

And besides, I’d done all this to help him win a war against Folterra. He couldn’t fight a war on two fronts. What if Declan attacked Lamera and moved on to Astana? What if I had been too late, or it wasn’t enough? As it was, there was a definite possibility I’d never see my brother again.

All I wanted to do was pace, but there was no such equivalent underwater. Instead, I found myself lingering beside my window, hoping for a glimpse of Foxglove. Of Smokkar. Of Mairin, even. But I hadn’t seen anyone I recognized in the alley between spires.

And I didn’t dare venture out alone. I’d seen various sharks and eels over the past few days that I had no desire to take my chances with.

But at what point would I have to act?

All I wished for was someone to speak to, someone to ask for advice, someone to lean on. But I’d never had that, had I? I thought I did with Mairin, and I might have been able to foster that with Emma one day, but it had always been me who provided that support. To my brother, to Dewalt, hell, even to Emma when she came back to us. I was too busy being a foundation for others; I hadn’t had time to ruminate over my lack of one. But beneath the sea, especially since my forced solitude, I’d had time in abundance.

I had only ever really had myself, and that had to be enough.

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