Page 78 of Between Fear and Favor
And as I saw a flash of divine light in the tallest spire, the one which I thought held Estri’s prisoners, I was strangely confident in my own abilities. I’d always been enough for everyone else; for myself, I could bemore.
I could be clever like my mother, ruthless after my father, and as just as Rainier. But I could also be something none of them had ever been for me—reliable.
When my guard returned that evening with my meal, I’d have a plan, and I wouldn’t hesitate. The longer I did nothing, the more likely I’d be stuck. I decided I wasn’t willing to risk that.
“Where is Foxglove?”I asked the sallow-faced merrow, whose name I hadn’t bothered to learn. I turned Rhia’s comb in my hand. For whatever reason, I’d found comfort in the object. Though I was relatively defenseless, the sharp teeth of the tortoiseshell comb could do a small amount of damage to someone. Whenever I put it down, I felt myself growing anxious.
The merrow played with the pendant around his throat, a wry smile tipping up his lips. “What will you give me for my answer? A kiss or a wish?”
“Oh, fuck off,” I snapped, but when he bared those sharp teeth at me, I tried not to flinch. My grip tightened on Rhia’s comb. “Just tell me where she is? Please?”
“She’ll be back soon enough. As soon as she’s done healing, she will be the one cursed to deal with you once more. Don’t fear.”
“Healing from what?” I demanded, stomach churning.
He examined his nails, dark blue and sharp, taking his time. “A kiss or a wish?”
“I’m not kissing you. What do you mean, ‘a wish’?”
“You tell me something you wish for, Princess. That’s all.”
Glaring at him, I was sure there was more to it than that. “I’ve already told you; I wish to know where Fox is.”
“No, that is a wish of the mind. I want a wish of the heart.”
I threw my arms up, irritated when it made me bob in the water. There was nothing less threatening. The gauzy gown I’d been wearing had snagged and ripped in places, yet it still billowed upward, and I had to fight it out of my face. “I don’t know how to answer this. Just...just go away,” I said. My shoulders drooped. I hated giving up. I wanted to know where my only friend in this treacherous abyss was before I acted on my plan.
But merrows had become a terrifying legend for a reason. Used as threats against unruly children, merrows were rare and misunderstood. Many people didn’t even know they were real. I didn’t want to push this one into action. What if the stories were true? Perhaps Estri had encouraged the idea that merrows were vicious creatures—to protect her kingdom, to maintain control? I wasn’t sure.
“If a god came down, right this instant, and offered youanything, what would you ask for?” His tongue struggled over certain sounds, and I wondered if the seaborn had another language they preferred. Perhaps it wasn’t from disuse, as I’d suspected, but unfamiliarity with the common tongue.
“And what will you do with this information?”
“You can’t expect me to have decided that yet. For now, just having the knowledge is enough,” he replied. His powerful tail kept him upright, and the way it drifted in the water was distracting. I had to continually move my arms and legs in circular movements to stay upright. It was exhausting. Abruptly, I wanted to be done with him, but I still wanted answers. That seemed to be the normal state of things since arriving in Estri’s kingdom.
“Fine,” I sighed. What I wished for wasn’t something unheard of, and I wasn’t sure how he could use it against me. “Conviction. My heart desires conviction.”
“How so?” the merrow asked, tilting his head to the side. His hair was tangled, some of it wrapped in seaweed, and I watched as a tiny silver fish darted between the strands. I wondered if it stayed close, borrowing his body heat. His hair was a dark grey color, reminding me of the selkies who had boarded Fiona’s ship so long ago. It felt like a different lifetime.
“I have lived a life for other people, and I would like to know that my own path is right. I wish to have confidence and certainty.”
“In what regard?”
“In all ways, I suppose?” I offered, growing irritated. “How I spend my time, the things I value, the people I care about. I want to live a life without hesitation.” He watched me, dark green eyes assessing, and I squared my jaw. “Now, tell me about Fox. You’ve gained your wish as you wanted.”
“The stitches will be less painful for her soon, I suspect,” he said, back straightening. He slid his pendant up the chain around his neck, and I glimpsed his deadly teeth once more when he smirked.
“Stitches? From what? Did she hurt herself?”
“I suppose you could say that. It is her mouth. It will not open in its current state.”
“What in the gods’ name does that mean?”
“Well, Her Majesty has sewn it shut, of course.” Rendered speechless, my entire body froze. “Oh, I’m also supposed to tell you the Seaborn Queen desires your presence in her bed.”
“Are you mad?” He gave me a warning glance before I continued, and I thought it might have been a kindness.
Isshe?
