Page 8 of Between Fear and Favor

I hadn’t even realizedI’d fallen asleep when water splashed my face, startling me awake. The muscles in my stomach clenched painfully—anger and hunger working together to tear my insides apart. Clenching my fists, I stared down the waiting merrow with as much hate as I could muster.

“Go away,” I croaked. Mairin’s arms rested on the stone, and she pulled herself to sit on the edge of the hole. Her hair was much darker than it used to be. No longer red like fire, it took on an almost purple hue. Like wine.

Like dried blood.

Her skin was a pale blue, almost shining in the torchlight, and her freckles had nearly disappeared. Her hair spilled over her body, covering her naked torso, and I swallowed as I took in the swell of her hips. Instead of lush, smooth skin, there were scales. Starting at her hips, her tail brightened from that wine red all the way to scarlet by the time it reached the tips of her fins. She was beautiful.

Absolutely gods damn marvelous.

“Fuck you. Leave,” I ground out.

Mairin turned to face me, tucking her hair behind a delicately frilled ear. Though I recognized the black translucent film over her eyes, present when she used her song, I couldn’t control my quick intake of breath. When that film lifted, she squinted, as if the torchlight was too bright. Her eye color had changed. The pale green I’d known so well had shifted to an unnatural aqua, like the shallow waters off the coast of Olistos. I clenched my jaw when I saw tears in them. She had gills on either side of her neck, but they weren’t moving as her chest rose and fell. The pendant Estri had given her swung between her heavy breasts, a charm hanging from a thick, reddened chain—almost as if it were covered in rust. Unearthly and ethereal, her visage was haunting. It was fitting for the fact she would forever lurk in the corners of my mind.

I hated her, and I rued that I had ever wanted her. It didn’t matter if I would have ended up here, anyway. She had to have known I would have agreed to whatever Estri said—to help my kingdom. So why bother betraying me? Why make a deal to hand me over?

“I never fucking learn, do I?” Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back. If everything hadn’t ached, I would have laughed. I didn’t bother to look at her as I asked, “Is it the natural state of a merrow to be a duplicitous bitch?” When she didn’t answer, I resisted every urge to peek at her. I would give her no such satisfaction. But when she splashed me again, I couldn’t stop my outburst. “What the fuck, Mai?”

Hands over her heart, her mouth moved, but not a single sound came from her. Her teeth glinted in the light, sharp and far more numerous than she’d had before. Overlapping and serrated, I didn’t know how her lips and tongue stayed safe from their touch.

“You cannot speak,” I sighed. Despite myself, my posture softened. I didn’t know if it was her form which bound her speech or if her mother had rid her of the ability.

Mouthing the words,I’m sorry, Mairin leaned forward, desperation pronouncing what her vocal chords could not.

“I don’t care if you’re sorry, Mairin,” I said, correcting myself from before when I’d used her shortened name. Mai was a name which belonged to the woman I’d trusted, the woman I’d grown to care for. This traitor was not worth the affection that came along with it. I couldn’t look at her like this, her gesturing hands and sad eyes too much for my delicate resolve. “Why?” I asked, biting the inside of my cheek when my voice wavered. Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t hold back my tears. But I swiped them away as fast as they came.

She tilted her head, sadly almost, pointing to her mouth. With all the extra sharp teeth, it was next to impossible for me to read her lips. There would be no way for her to explain properly. And besides, why did it matter?

I was here, fulfilling my end of a bargain I would have made either way.

And that was the funny part, wasn’t it? I would have made this agreement myself. I would have agreed to a night in the Seaborn Queen’s bed, despite whatever affection there was between me and Mairin. Perhaps that was why she did it. Mairin had to hurt me first. BeforeIcould betrayher.

I would have done it for my kingdom—for the innocent people who would be forced to fight against Declan and the Folterran army. My betrayal would have been a sacrifice. What Mairin gained was individual and personal. She was selfish. All I knew was I wanted nothing to do with her. When she gestured for me to come closer, I frowned. She pointed to the ceiling before pantomiming swimming. When I only stared at her, she waved me over once more.

“You want to take me to the surface?” I asked. When she nodded, all I could do was laugh. “And find an enemy in your mother? Lose her armies?” I crossed my arms. “Besides, I don’t fucking trust you. You’d let me drown if it served you.”

Dark curls slapped angrily against Mairin’s skin as she shook her head.Please, she mouthed.

“And then do what, Mairin? I don’t even know where we are! Aren’t we in the middle of the gods damn ocean?” Swallowing, she nodded as she looked down at her lap. Something snapped within me, and I allowed myself a moment of unfiltered rage. “I came for her armies. If I have to fuck her to get them, so be it.”

Mairin reared back in horror before shaking her head again. Though she’d been tossed overboard when the Sea Queen made her deal, she had to have known why I was here, right? Perhaps it was juvenile to lash out at her in that way, to use the idea of me and her mother to hurt her. But seeing Mairin like this, in a form I’d imagined only in daydreams, was a torment. I’d wanted her to get the pendant, knowing the opportunity and freedom and belonging it could afford her. But I hadn’t expected she would obtain it at my expense.

As if summoned by my thoughts, a long white tentacle moved slowly out of the water. Quietly and carefully, it circled behind Mairin. She didn’t notice, and an enraged and childish part of me decided not to warn her. The tentacle twisted, revealing dark burgundy flesh as it wrapped around the merrow’s stomach and pulled. Mairin screeched, the sound inhuman, before she was pulled beneath the water. I ignored the sharp pang of guilt in my stomach.

Within a moment, two of those tentacles gripped the edge of the opening. A third, then a fourth. But just when I expected another tentacle, a long, slender arm revealed itself. It was the palest of blues, nearly a stark white, as she grasped the stone ground. A narrow torso followed and the horrific beauty that was the Sea Queen hauled herself from the water. I watched as her remaining tentacles shrank and morphed together to form two legs. It seemed painful.

Her dark red hair matched Mairin’s, though it was bone straight as it fell over her naked body. Estri sat on her knees, hands clasped in her lap, and the faintest melody of her song resonated off the cave walls—though her lips didn’t move.

“Barely awake, and you’ve already been set upon. I must...apologize for the intrusion, and that I was not here when you woke. You are likely…confused.” Estri strung her words together slowly, as if she rarely uttered the common tongue. I said nothing. Maintaining slow and deep breaths was all I could manage as she blinked at me with eyes too big for her face, milky blue irises inhuman. Her cheekbones were so sharp, the low torchlight cast much of her face in cutting shadows. “Your descent was not an easy one. I forget humans, even conduits, are delicate. This is a...holding chamber of sorts.”

“What happened to me?” I wasn’t sure she’d give me honesty, but the fact it was Estri herself who came to explain gave me hope. I expected answers from her that, though probably misleading, I could poke at for the truth.

“Your ears. Blood poured from them, and it attracted some of my less controllable children. I brought you here to rest while I prepared a more suitable chamber for you.”

“To rest?” I scoffed. “On a bed of seaweed. For weeks? How did I sleep so long?”

“I’ve kept you asleep with my magick while I’ve had chambers restored for you,” she said. Her head was tilted at an unnatural angle as she watched me.

“Restored? You said one night. I don’t need chambers.”

---