Page 51 of Thorns from the Fall

His tone is surprisingly mild, not full of the accusation I would expect for such a question. In my next life, maybe I’ll think before I speak. Maybe I’ll realize that there is no reason for him to ask me this except to find something to blame me for.

“Eventually, yes.”

“Did you look into it? Did you try to follow up on the missing girl?”

“Well, no, but…” He swears, and I hear Margot speaking in the background, and she sounds almost panicked. “What happened?”

“I think you know what happened, Gwyn. The better question is why do you care? It’s just another person’s blood on your hands.”

“Wait a min?—”

But he’s already hung up.

I should leave it. I shouldn’t respond, and I should let him think the worst of me. Really, it would be better for everyone if he hated me and killed me for it. He’d feel better; I’d be dead. Everyone would move on. But instead, I type and delete the same message a few different times. I’m not trying to pass the blame, but for some reason, this feels important.

Gwyn

The spell Hale used to knock Remy out had him down for three days. We didn’t know, and by the time he told Sasha, there were no leads.

Roman

So you gave up?

I don’t answer for a moment, debating on if I should light the match. For a moment, I think of lying to save face, but what’s the point? If I’d been brutally honest with Roman from the start, maybe I would have gotten my revenge and he’d have burned everything down alongside me. Maybe I wouldn’t be here, with a friend who won’t speak to me, a sister who’s run away, a coven I don’t care about, and an ancient vampire father who I’ve failed to kill.

Gwyn

What would you have done if my dad needed your help after he killed your mother? I’m all ears.

Roman

I wouldn’t have done anything because I was six, Gwyn.

Gwyn

You’re being pedantic.

You’re telling me if he killed her right now, you’d bend over backwards to help him?

He types for a minute, and then the bubble disappears. I smirk, satisfied that I must have gotten my point across. But then a voice memo comes through, and a knot twists in my stomach. I stare at it, wondering what exactly he could have said in fifty-six seconds that has made my blood run cold.

When I press play, I drop the phone because it’s so fucking loud in the quiet bedroom. For a second, I can’t tell what it is, but then I realize it’s Remy. Deep, heart-wrenching sobs sound almost inhuman as they come through my speaker, and I hate Roman for allowing me to hear it. But it only lasts a second or two as he covers the speaker and seemingly walks away from his brother.

“Do you remember the night you chose not to tell me Remy was alive, but helped explain his depression to me? Because I do. And I find it pretty fucking hard to believe that the Gwyn who knew the exact spectrum of Remy’s sadness didn’t give a fuck about the girl he nearly died to save.”

Not for the first time, I consider that I should have pushed harder about the missing girl. But I had no intention of going ona fool’s errand on behalf of the man who killed two people I love. How could I try to save her when I couldn’t save my parents? When I couldn’t save myself?

I crawl into bed, not bothering with the light, wondering how I could possibly think I’m any better than the people I sought to destroy.

Gwyn

Hale fucking bailed on me.

My vision is blurry as I look at the text I sent to Sasha. When Hale had told me to meet him at Sanguivita to ring in the New Year, I’d been confused. But then I found out I wasn’t welcome at Last Drop, thanks to the whole ‘stole the coven and pissed off all the vampires’ thing, and it made sense. So the plan was for him to go to Last Drop first, where Nico wanted to go, before meeting me at Sanguivita.

Sanguivita has cocktails with silver in them, and I’m on my fourth one. I’m grateful for it, because at least it means I can get drunk. But what doesn’t make sense is the fact that it’s eleven fucking thirty, I’m shaved and showered and dressed to the goddamn nines, and I’m sitting in a dark corner, drunk, making small talk with a demon.

And Hale, according to his shared location, is still at Last Drop.

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