Page 54 of Surviving Slater
He was preparing to leave. It had been all I wanted when he arrived, but now I didn't want him to go.It's for the best, I reminded myself, trying to ease the hurt I was feeling. But none of that reasoning made me feel any better; it only made me feel worse.
I looked up at him as I lay on my side. But instead of tucking me in, he kicked off his shoes and shrugged out of his jacket.
"I can't leave you," he said when he saw my questioning gaze. He look resigned as he admitted it.
He slipped into the bed and lay on his side, facing me. Unsure of what to say, I remained quiet. He turned and switched my side lamp off. Darkness descended and I felt a little fear ripple through me like I was a young child still afraid of the dark.
A warm hand touched my hip and pulled me closer. The fear began to melt away.
"Sleep," he said, and I closed my eyes, feeling secure and protected for the first time that day. For the moment, I refused to allow myself to analyze his actions or try to figure out his motives. I just took comfort in his arms, needing the safety they provided. Tomorrow I would face the reality that whatever we had was changed and was over. There was no way to keep it just physical, not after the events in the last twenty-four hours.
I remembered when Slater had rejected me the first time because he was unable to give me more than a physical relationship, and it had suited me then. But now, knowing more about me than he had before would make him run for the hills.
It didn't take a shrink to figure out something had made him keep his distance when it came to emotions and getting emotionally attached. I wondered who had scarred him so deeply that he avoided getting too close to anyone. I tried to prepare myself for when he would extract himself out of my life, leaving a void I didn't want to admit his absence would leave.
I lay with my head on his chest as his arm cocooned me in his embrace. Listening to his heartbeat and the regular rise and fall of his chest lulled me into a sense of safeness that allowed me to fall asleep.
Later I wokeup with Slater sleeping beside me. He was restless and frowning as he slept. He moaned and groaned slightly as I watched him. My fingers soothed his hair to the side.
He seemed to be having a nightmare.
"Where are…" he began to say. I leaned closer.
I knew I should wake him up but I wanted to hear what he would say. Would he reveal something about the person who had made him avoid relationships and commitment?
There was no mistaking the pang of guilt I felt but I ignored it as I lay watching him. His face turned to face me.
"Shannon…" he whispered, concern and fear rampant in his voice. I reached out and touched his arm gently, hoping it would soothe him while he slept.
Shannon? Was that the name of the girl who had broken his heart beyond repair? Was she the one to blame?
"Shannon!" he said, louder this time. He jerked upright, and I sat up.
"It's just a dream," I said to him, putting my hand to his back.
Still rapidly breathing, with sweat beading his forehead, he turned to face me. There was so much anguish in his eyes, I wanted to hug him to take the sadness away.
He rubbed his hands over his face and I watched, still with my hand on his back. He had comforted me and I felt the need to do the same for him.
"You were talking," I said, wanting to find out who Shannon was.
His eyes shot to mine. "What did I say?"
Was he scared he had revealed too much? He waited anxiously for my answer.
"You were looking for someone named Shannon."
It was like a shutter came down, blocking out his open emotions. He shifted to the edge of the bed and shoved his feet into his boots. I watched as he collected his jacket from the floor and shrugged it on.
"I gotta go," he said before he left without a backward glance, leaving me stunned at the turn of events.
Chapter Fourteen
He left so unexpectedly, I sat in my bed and stared at the closed door for several minutes after it closed. I had expected him not to want to open up about it, but to leave so abruptly had been a surprise.
Shannon. She must have really hurt him badly for him to be this affected by her. My mind raced with possibilities.
Had she cheated on him? I mulled over the thought. Remembering the anguish in his eyes, it didn't feel right. It must have been something much worse. His reaction and sadness reminded me of my own issues. I frowned. I didn't want to think that something as bad as what I had experienced had happened to him.
