Page 55 of Surviving Slater
The pain in my chest made it hard to breathe. I didn't know whether it was because of the pain Slater was experiencing or my own. It was impossible to determine.
I checked the time on my phone. It was time to get up and get ready for class. I wasn't ready to leave the safety of my room, but if I didn't Matthew would call Taylor—or worse, Connor.
There were two people already who knew about my emotional meltdown and it was two people too many. I stood up and rolled my shoulders. My body still ached physically as well as emotionally.
Resisting the urge to throw caution to the wind and get back into bed was not easy but I went through all the small tasks of getting ready for school, which made it possible not to concentrate on my issues.
But when it came to opening the door and leaving, I hesitated. It was too much. I needed help, and then I remembered I had something that would make it easier. I opened the drawer of my side table and rummaged through it. My fingers closed around a bottle of pills a doctor had prescribed the first time I had experienced my first meltdown two years ago. I'd told him I had been stressed about some upcoming exams. He had given me the prescription without any further questioning.
What had actually happened, though, was some guy had called me "baby" in the heat of the moment and it had sent me into a spiral of memories that had taken me weeks to recover from.
I opened it and took a tablet before returning the bottle to my drawer. Inside the bathroom, I took the pill with a sip of water. I hated taking them. I didn't like how they made me feel numb and emotionless, but today it would help me. I would be able to function without fear of breaking down again.
"You're up," Matthew said, sounding a little surprised when he walked into the kitchen and I was sitting at the table drinking my coffee. I hoped it would help me get through the day.
"I am," I said, giving him the faintest smile. It was hard when I felt so void of emotion. I just knew I needed to assure him in some way other than words.
"You feeling better?" he asked, and I nodded. He studied me.
"Can we just forget it? I don't want to talk about it and I want to forget it happened." My eyes held his.
He walked to me and dropped into the chair beside me.
"I've barely slept the last twenty-four hours," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I've been worried about you."
I covered his one hand with mine and squeezed it.
"I'm okay now. I promise." The lie rolled right off my tongue without hesitation. He studied me for a few seconds before he nodded.
"It never happened," he assured me, and I felt some relief that I could try to forget about it like I had managed to do before.
It would take time but there was no other choice. I could go see someone and talk about it, but that scared me. Admitting to anyone out loud what happened to me made my skin crawl and my stomach turn. How could I possibly open up to a complete stranger, giving them a personal insight into my life and what made me tick? No, it wasn't an option for me. I preferred my trusted plan of just ignoring it.
"You still okay for me to move out at the end of the week?" he asked. He watched me closely.
His question took me by surprise. He had mentioned it to me but with everything going on I had forgotten.
"Yes." I nodded. I wasn't ready but I couldn't hold him back because I was feeling so weak.
"Are you going to get a roommate?" he asked.
Being alone had its perks but so did having someone else around, as long as they were the right type of person.
It was at times like this when I missed Taylor.
"Yes," I said, reminding myself I needed to speak to Levi. But before I asked him, I would have to check with Connor. After all, he was renting the apartment.
"I'd better go," I said, standing up. I slung my bag over my shoulder as I grabbed an apple and shoved it in for later.
"Have a good day," Matthew said, watching me leave.
Outside the apartment, my smile waned as I walked to class. My eyes drifted from one person to another. Everyone had stuff they had to deal with, some worse than others. For each person I saw I wondered if their issues were easier to deal with than mine were.
One class flowed into another. It was difficult to concentrate while on the medication I was on but I did the best I could. By lunchtime I was ready for a break and something to eat.
I spotted Taylor when I entered the cafeteria. I smiled as I approached her.
"Hi," she greeted, standing up to give me a hug.
