Page 76 of Surviving Slater
Checking my watch, it was three in the morning, but there was no way I was going back to sleep. To avoid the nightmares, I had to stay awake. I watched the darkness as I bit my nails. I was so tired, my muscles ached.
Eventually the sun began to rise and the darkness in my room faded with the fear that had kept me up most of the night.
I had to go to school but I just couldn't. I didn't have the energy or the emotional stability to keep myself together. I couldn't keep going like this. If I didn't find a way to cope with my childhood demons, it was going to impact my future.
What could I do, though? Slowly, with a mind that wasn't thinking straight, I tried to come up with solutions.
I can go and see someone.Lots of people went to psychiatrists for help to deal with issues. But I couldn't. My secret was dark, and the thought of opening up to a stranger nearly broke me out in a nervous sweat.
No. That wasn't going to help me.
My phone began to ring. It was my mom. I exhaled an emotional breath before I answered.
"Hi, Mom," I greeted her, keeping my voice cheerful to cover my emotional state as I rubbed my temple.
"Hi, sweetie," she said, her voice hoarse. I frowned. There was something going on.
"What's wrong?" I asked, feeling an immediate panic.
"It's your Uncle Phillip…" I froze, clutching the phone tighter to my ear. She couldn't finish her sentence, overcome with emotion.
"What, Mom?" I asked in a whisper.
"He's dead." She sobbed.
My world swirled around me and I leaned against the wall to keep myself upright.
Dead. My brain felt fuzzy as I tried to understand what that meant.
"Jordan?" my mother asked through her tears. "Are you there?"
It was unbelievable. He was dead.
"Jordan?" she repeated, her voice sharp with concern.
"I'm here," I finally managed to get out.
"He was in an accident…" she said, but my mind wasn't processing what she was saying.
He's dead.It kept repeating in my mind like I was unable to understand.
"Jordan?" my mom said again.
"Yes," I said, even though I had no idea what she'd been saying for the last few minutes.
"I need you, darling." I had to go home.
"Of course," I said, smothering my feelings. My mother had just lost her brother. "I'll be there today."
I got her off the phone with the assurance I would get the first bus home. I grabbed my duffel bag and began to shove in some clothes. I got some toiletries and threw them in too. Closing the bag, I hoped I hadn't forgotten anything.
I sent Levi a message.
I'm going out of town for a couple of days.
I left it vague as to why because I wasn't ready for the sympathy or questions it would lead to. When I arrived I would call Taylor and let her know.
Okay. See you when you get back,he replied with a smiley face.
