Page 24 of Breaking Matt
But now that I thought about it there were moments throughout the last month when I'd seen him pull back a few times. Had it been his guilty conscience eating away at him? But no matter how much I wanted to have seen this coming there had been no way for me to know.
Even as my eyes ran over him now, I never would have guessed he was a bodyguard. Any of the bodyguards I'd ever met had looked like one. Normally they wore dark suits and were more heavily built than Matthew. He was always dressed so casually in jeans and a shirt—but then I supposed it was better to blend in. He was lean and he just didn't give off that type of vibe. He was easygoing and relaxed: the total opposite of the bodyguards I'd encountered before, who were always serious and on the lookout for a threat.
I never imagined when I'd told my father I didn't want protection he'd go behind my back. But he had. I was still so angry with him. He hadn't tried to call me. In his mind he had already reasoned it out. He wouldn't be feeling guilty.
"So how is this going to work?" I asked, setting my half-empty cup down on the kitchen counter as I crossed my arms.
I liked to be in control, so I wanted to know how he planned on protecting me. I didn't want any surprises. So far I'd had enough surprises from this sinfully gorgeous man standing in front of me. Despite my anger and hurt, I still felt the flutter of awareness when his eyes met mine. I hated that he still affected me, but I couldn't seem to control it. Apparently it didn't matter that he'd lied and betrayed me.
"Your father wants me to continue to attend all your classes," he informed me in a cool tone.
It was disconcerting hearing him talk to me without the warmth I was used to. I wondered it if hurt him when I treated him the same way.
"For your own security it would be best not to reveal to anyone who I really am," he added, and I arched an eyebrow at him.
"Why?" I asked, feeling my entire body tense as I waited for his answer.
"I need to keep a low profile. If they know I'm your bodyguard it could complicate things," he revealed in a serious tone. His words brought back the reality of my situation.
"So if you're not my bodyguard, who exactly are you going to be?" I asked, even though I had a pretty good feeling of where this conversation was headed and I didn't like it one bit.
"Look, I know you're upset with me and you have every right to feel the way you do. I need you to know I didn't mean to hurt you when I didn't tell you who I really am," he began, and I put a hand up to stop him from continuing, not sure if I could stomach another word.
"No amount of apologizing or explaining is going to justify what you did," I said to him tightly as my temper began to rise. I was still too hurt to look at anything logically or even be open to any explanation he could give. "You lied to me. I thought you were someone I could care about."
I stopped when I felt the lump in my throat. There was no way I was going to cry in front of him. He held my eyes, giving nothing away. A heavy silence settled between us. There was a part of me that wanted him to justify it, but the other part of me knew there was nothing he could say that would make his actions acceptable.
"Keeping you alive is all that counts," he said fiercely, which took me by surprise. "I'll do whatever it takes."
"My father must be paying you well." It didn't make me feel any better and my confidence took another hit.
He didn't confirm my assumption. Instead he pressed his lips together tightly as if he were trying to keep control of his temper.
"Your father wants you to call him," he told me. I shook my head, not even contemplating his request.
I expected him to press the issue, but he let it go. Maybe he saw a glimpse of the stubborn glint in my eye. I was not ready to speak to either of my parents.
"This threat..." I began to say, but hesitated. "Is it bad?"
I asked the question already knowing the answer—but I needed to hear confirmation from him.
He nodded.
"My job is to protect you and I need you to keep the fact I'm your bodyguard a secret," he explained. "You can't tell anyone."
"Fine," I said in a clipped tone.
"It would be a good cover if I continue as your boyfriend," he added, and my jaw dropped open in shock.
"You've got to be joking!" I said in disbelief.
He couldn't be serious, could he? His calm expression as he waited for me to calm down told me he was very serious.
"I need to do everything I can to keep you safe," he said, "and if it requires us to pretend we're still dating, then we have no choice."
To do that I'd have to allow him to be affectionate with me, and did that include kissing? How on earth would I be able to cope with my feelings of hurt when I'd have to kiss him? It would be like reopening the wound again and again. Eventually it would be unable to heal.
"So you want us to just pretend to still be together despite all the lies, just so you can protect me?" I asked, feeling betrayed at the thought of pretending to be something I didn't want anymore.
