Page 35 of Breaking Matt
"Do you want to come over?" I asked bluntly. There was no time to beat around the bush. I knew what I had to do and the sooner I got it over with the sooner I could move on.
"Message me your address and I'll be there as soon as I can," he said.
"Okay. Bring condoms," I told him and then I ended the call. I was only interested in one thing.
I quickly sent my address to Zac. Feeling like I was back in control, I wiped the remains of my tears.
There wasn't a need to seduce Zac because I was pretty sure he was a given, so I shoved my sexy silky clothes into my dresser. Just the sight of them reminded me of Matthew's rejection and it hurt. I got dressed in jeans and a tight top. I slipped on some sandals.
Matthew, I thought uncomfortably.
I'd given him an ultimatum and he'd made his choice. There was no going back now. He had to live with his decision. I had to tell him about Zac coming over. He was my bodyguard and he needed to know. But it wasn't the only reason I wanted to tell him—I wanted to see his face when I told him I was going to go through with what I'd told him. Some part of me wanted to see him hurt like I had.
He was sitting in the living room watching TV when I entered. I let my eyes take him in for a moment. Just the sight of him was enough to quicken my heartbeat.
Hearing my footsteps he turned to look at me. For a moment I wanted to give in and not care about the consequences. It would be so easy but the hard part would be allowing myself to be hurt again.
"I have someone coming over," I said, studying his features for his reaction.
"Who?" he asked, even though I could see from his expression he knew exactly what I was talking about.
"The guy from our class," I revealed, wanting to see his expression change from mildly curious to deep hurt. But I got nothing. He nodded his head and turned his attention back to the TV.
"I did a background check on him and he's harmless," he informed me.
Harmless? That was it?
I backtracked out of the living room and went into the kitchen. I poured myself some water as I tried to work through my emotions. Of all the reactions I'd expected, that hadn't been one of them. It was like he didn't care what I was going to do with some other guy. I rubbed my forehead as I tried to figure out what he was up to. Did he really feel nothing? Or was it a ploy to force me back to him?
Confused and annoyed, I took a couple gulps of water. The doorbell went and I waited for Matthew to answer it.
I don't know why but I needed to see his reaction at seeing my visitor. I stepped out of the kitchen and watched Matthew greet Zac with a nod of his head before he stepped back to let him in. He acted like nothing was wrong and it took a moment for me to pull myself together. Zac stopped in front of me and smiled as his gaze swept appreciatively over me.
"Hey," he greeted me and I smiled back at him. It was forced because I wasn't feeling happy. Things weren't going as I'd planned but there was no way I was going to back out now.
"Do you want a beer?" I asked Zac and he nodded his head.
Matthew walked past us back to the living room. There was no emotion, no jealousy and no hurt on his face. Had he not cared for me at all? The questions raced through my mind while I got Zac a beer and handed it to him. He opened it and took a sip, his eyes on me.
I took a step closer, holding his gaze. It was time to erase the deceptive bodyguard from my heart. Zac was leaning against the kitchen counter and watching me lazily. I ignored my emotions as I allowed him to pull me between his legs and kiss me. His soft lips pressed to mine but his kiss didn't sear me like Matthew's did. I pushed him from my mind as I slid my tongue into Zac's mouth and caressed his. His hands cupped my face as our kiss deepened.
I was physically attracted to Zac but he didn't turn my world around like Matthew did. Pulling away, I looked at him seductively as I pulled him by his hand to my room. There was no stopping myself from seeing Matthew sitting on the sofa facing the TV. What was I expecting? I was sure Matthew knew exactly what I was doing. There was no reason for me to expect he would try to stop me, but somehow I did.
I let Zac enter my room and then I closed the door, leaning against it as my eyes traveled over the hot guy who was going to help me over my heartache. There didn't need to be emotions—it was just going to be good, gratifying sex and nothing more. It was all I needed.
I came up to Zac, who was standing beside my bed. I reached for his shirt and pulled it up. He helped me take it off and then threw it on the floor. His mouth covered mine as his hand reached for the bottom of my shirt and lifted it. I broke the kiss long enough to remove the item of clothing. The feel of his hand cupping my breast did nothing for me. I didn't feel any excitement or anticipation.
Frustrated, I pulled away for a moment and turned my back on him. What the hell was wrong with me? I put my hand to my forehead. I had a sexy guy in my bedroom ready to tear my clothes off and do wicked things to me, but something didn't feel right and I couldn't place what it was.
"Are you okay?" Zac asked and I closed my eyes for a moment.
My determination to move past the block made me take a deep breath and release it as I turned to face the hunk who was looking at me with confusion.
"I'm fine," I assured him as I reached for his face and kissed him, trying to make myself feel something.
His arms wrapped around me and he held me while our mouths fused together. I groaned, trying to force the chemistry I so badly wanted to feel. I just had to keep going and it would work.
Slowly he trailed kisses along my throat. The longer I let this go on, the more frustrated and angry I was becoming. Despite all my attempts to move on, it wasn't working. If Matthew did this I would be in a frenzy of need. I allowed it to continue for a little while regardless. I was down to my bra and panties. Zac was down to his boxers and we were lying on my bed, making out.
