Page 55 of Breaking Matt
If I were in her shoes I wouldn't want to remember. Other than the physical wounds there was nothing else that hinted at her ordeal. I pushed the thoughts away, not having the energy to deal with them. There was no way to ease the guilt I felt at being responsible for what had happened to her.
"Where's Mark?" I asked, remembering what I had thought about replacing him so it wouldn't lead to questions I didn't want to answer, in fear of what they would cause.
"He went to get something to eat."
"We need to get someone else to protect her." I rubbed my forehead slightly.
"Why?" he asked, frowning.
"As far as Courtney knows you are my boyfriend, and Mark is your friend. If she discovers Mark is a bodyguard, she'll be suspicious. It could lead to a whole bunch of questions I would rather not have to answer at the moment."
He nodded. A serious expression was on his face. He got his phone out and made a call to assign a replacement for Mark. While he spoke, I waited, wanting to make sure everything would be organized. I didn't want to leave anything to chance. It was the least I could do to make things up to her.
I hated keeping secrets, but this time it was necessary. Being truthful was easy—lying required a lot of hard work. Remembering the lie, and who you told and who you didn't, wasn't easy. It was just easier to be honest but this time it wasn't an option. I would have to lie to my friend.
"It's done," Matthew assured me once he had hung up. "You okay?"
I rubbed the back of my neck slightly and nodded. "I'm fine."
I couldn't complain. I wasn't the one lying in a hospital bed. I composed myself, taking a deep breath before releasing it and going back into her room. By the time I hugged my friend goodbye and exited her room I was tired and emotionally drained.
Mark and Matthew were talking when I left her hospital room, both looking serious like they were discussing something important.
"The replacement for Mark will be here soon," Matthew said.
I nodded at the information. "We need to keep to the same script as before. You're my boyfriend and Mark is your friend." It was important to keep up the facade for her wellbeing. After everything that had happened, I owed her at least that.
"I've already cleared it with your father," Matthew assured me, putting an arm around me. I leaned against him, feeling exhausted.
"So we carry on like before," Mark reaffirmed. "I'll be assigned to you as Matthew's backup."
Iwas agitated and nervous. I was pacing the length of the living room while Matthew watched from a seat on the sofa. He stood up and walked over to me.
"You're wearing a path into the carpet," he said in a teasing tone. But I was too wound up to smile.
I shrugged. "I don't know how to deal with all of this."
It wasn't like I had ever been in this type of situation before, and I simply didn't know how to work through the array of feelings I was experiencing.
"What do you do?" I asked, tucking my hair behind my ear.
Unlike me, Matthew had had experience in stressful life-and-death situations. While my world felt like it was spinning out of control, he was calm. I wanted to feel calm, but other than taking some drug prescribed by a doctor...
"I go to the shooting range when I need to blow off steam," he admitted.
Shooting a gun. My father had tried to get me to learn how to use a gun, but after the first couple of initial lessons, my mother had put her foot down. She hated guns and the thought of me handling one was too much for her to deal with. And truthfully I hadn't minded—I was never completely comfortable holding a gun either.
"Do you think it might help me?" I asked. I needed to find a way to release the building pressure, and if I needed to shoot a gun to do so I would.
"You want to go to the shooting range?" he asked, looking a little taken aback.
"If I don't find a way of dealing with this the only option will be a prescription."
He studied me for several seconds before he took my hand into his. "Let's go."
I let him take control and before I knew it I was safely buckled into the car and we were on our way.
"There's a small shooting range nearby," he told me.
