Page 51 of Loving Taylor
Chapter Fifteen
Even though Iwanted nothing more than what was happening between us, I held back, unsure she was in the state of mind for what she was pushing for.
She increased the pressure of her mouth on mine but I refused to give in to her. She was in a vulnerable state and I wouldn't allow myself to take advantage of her. Finally she pulled back and made me feel like an asshole for not giving her what she wanted.
"What's wrong?" I asked when she moved away from me. I wasn't asking because she was distancing herself physically but I wanted to know why she was pushing for a physical connection so soon after being attacked.
"Don't you want me?" She sounded hurt by my resistance. She had no idea how close I was to giving in to her. I could feel the heat in my veins when I looked at her. The impression of her lips still on mine made it impossible to think straight.
I was trying to be a good guy and it was proving to be more difficult than I had anticipated. I tried to think of the best way to convey my concerns so she wouldn't take offense.
"I'm not sure if this is what you need right now," I said softly. She clasped her hands together as I held her gaze. "You were attacked tonight. You've been through so much, it has been an emotional roller coaster."
"When he attacked me, he pushed his body...against mine," she began to explain. "I need you...to wipe that memory from my mind."
I understood why she thought it would be a good idea but I wasn't convinced it wouldn’t only be a temporary reprieve that would cause more trouble later. I wasn't a shrink but she had been through a traumatic event and needed time to work her way through it.
"I don't think that's going to help you deal." I tried one last time to talk her out of it.
"Please." The pleading in her voice was enough for me to throw caution to the wind. I was strong but I wasn't made of stone.
"Come here," I instructed softly in the darkness, already making up my mind that I would be as gentle as possible so as not to scare or hurt her.
My hand touched her arm as she moved closer. I covered her lips with mine as I cradled her face gently in my hands. Her tongue swept against my bottom lip, touching my lip ring. Still fighting to control myself, I inhaled sharply as my tongue touched hers.
I loved the sweet taste of her. It ignited my burning need for her. Her hands settled over mine still cradling her face as I explored her mouth with mine. Light sweeps and gentle caresses kept her wanting more. I could tell by the tremor that vibrated through her that she wasn't in complete control. I kept watching for her to reach her limit and stop me but she didn't.
Then I broke away from her and pushed her gently down to lie on the bed. She bit her lip nervously as I pressed her body into the mattress with the weight of mine. She stiffened and I stilled.
"It's okay, it's me," I murmured to her as I held my weight off her with hands on either side of her. With her eyes on me, she opened her legs and I lay between them. Wanting to keep her in the moment with me and not in the memories of her attack, I kissed her again.
This time my kisses were more intense, wanting her to know exactly who was in the bed with her. I wasn't the stranger who had tried to hurt her.
My lips moved from hers to trail kisses along her jaw. Her breathing was hard and I shifted off her to dispense with her clothing. I pulled her pajama shorts off along with her panties as she lifted her hips for me.
Then I stood up to get rid of my clothes and to get the protection from my side table and I put it on. I returned to the bed and got in beside her to help her discard her top. And then I pressed my lips to her when I covered her body with mine. Skin to skin.
Thoughts of some guy trying to hurt her flashed in my mind but I pushed them away, refusing to think about what could have happened. She was safe here with me and that was how she would stay.
I wanted to make sure she was prepared for my entry so I ensured I worked her up well with kisses down her body. With a slight moan and her hands fisting my hair, I knew she was ready. I moved back to line up my body with hers. She wrapped her legs around me. I pressed against her heat. The moment our lips met again I thrust into her in one full stroke. Her breathing hitched and I gave her a moment to adjust to me before I began to move. Her hands went to my shoulders and she held on.
She was already panting and the slight tensing in her body told me she was close. I strained against her, taking her to the heights that would wipe clean any remains of the stranger's imprint on her.
She groaned when she came and I followed soon after. Trying to catch my breath, I leaned my forehead against hers. Her arms wrapped around me and our breath intermingled as we savored our release.
I kissed her cheek before I moved from her. I went and disposed of the condom before I returned to the bed. She looked so beautiful in my bed, her lips still red from my kisses. She looked so content and it was because of me.
The lines of our arrangement were fading. With her, I lacked my usual control and focus.
I got in beside her. I lay on my back and put a hand underneath my head. She lay quietly beside me, also looking up at the ceiling. I wondered what she was thinking.
"Is Sin your real name?" she asked out of the blue.
It wasn't the first time I had been asked that question but usually I changed the subject so I didn't have to reveal the truth behind my name. For the first time, I wasn't preparing to deviate the conversation to safer subjects.
"Yes." Most people assumed it was short for something.
"It's unusual. What made your mom choose that?" she asked, digging a little deeper.
