Page 72 of Loving Taylor
I shoved my hands into my jeans as I contemplated how my feelings for her were going to change everything. I couldn't even look at another girl. There was no attraction for anyone but her.
Even though we had managed to sort things through, there were so many things that could go wrong. She was in so much danger. She had already been attacked.
For the moment she's safe, I reminded myself.
If her brother had bothered to take the time to warn me to protect his sister, I knew he would do everything possible to keep her safe. I bet he was spending a small fortune for Matthew to keep her from harm. Short of keeping my eyes on her twenty-four seven, I couldn't do much more.
Even with all that logical reasoning I couldn't smother the foreboding feeling I felt in the pit of my stomach. Was it because of my childhood? That I had been let down so many times that I expected it to happen? It wasn't a matter of if but when.
You can't think like that,I told myself. But nothing gave me the surety I needed.
Back inside the sanctuary of my room I lay back on the bed, enjoying the comforting scent of her still on my sheets. It gave me some solace from the thoughts going around in my head.
There wasn't just the threat against her that was on my mind.
Now that I knew more about the events from her childhood, a new fear had developed. A chill raced up my spine at the thought that she would discover what I had done.There is no way she can find out. It's not like she's going to go digging in your background, I assured myself but it did nothing to dampen the fear.
Maybe later once I'd had the time to strengthen our fragile connection it would be able to withstand the information from my past. But if she found out before then, it would be too much for her and she would walk away from me.
The physical ache in my chest reminded me how much it would hurt if she couldn't see past the mistake I had been forced to make. I'd had nothing to lose before, but things were different now.
I got my phone out and typed a text. I wanted her to know I was thinking of her.
My message was simple.Sweet dreams Tay.
A minute later my phone pinged with a message. It was from Taylor.
Night Sin.It read.
I brushed my fingers over the message.
I knew she cared for me but I didn't want to analyze how I felt about her. It didn't matter if she discovered the secret from my past that could change everything. It hadn't been a decision I had made alone. Slater made the same decision. We'd done it together. But would she be able to understand? I couldn't fully embrace the fact that despite my underhanded decision to snoop into her background, it hadn't broken us.
It was late when there was a knock on my bedroom door.
"Come in." There was only one person who would invade the privacy of my room.
The door opened slightly and Slater poked his head in.
I sat up as he entered my room and closed the door.
"You sort things with Taylor?" He came to a stop at the end of my bed.
"Yeah," I admitted, still surprised that it had all worked out even if I wasn't convinced it would last. "Who knew that saying sorry would work."
He gave me a ghost of a smile. "Good to know."
"You never know, you might need to use it one day." I don't know why I said it but the words were out before I even thought about it.
His smile dropped and he shook his head. "I won't be needing it."
There was the familiar haunted look in his eyes that had chased him for most of our childhood. That night I didn't sleep well.
I smiled when I spotted Taylor walking to class with Matthew following closely beside her. I'd just seen her last night, but it had felt longer.
She'd surprised me when she'd finally opened up and told me about her past. It didn't matter that I'd already read all of it off the web. Hearing it in her own words had made it more real and more heart-breaking. She'd forgiven me for finding out about her past, but I still felt a pang of guilt when I thought about it.
It had been my concern for her safety that had pushed me to search her name on the Internet. Just thinking about what happened to her made me sad and angry at the same time. It was different having parents who couldn't give a shit. I couldn't miss something I'd never had. I couldn't imagine losing the unconditional love from a parent after experiencing it.
