Page 82 of Loving Taylor
Chapter Twenty-Four
Her eyes wateredand I felt shitty for making her cry. Her hand reached out and touched my arm. I tightened my other hand to stop myself from covering her hand with mine.
"You look so much like him," she whispered as her eyes caressed my features. But she wasn't seeing me, she was seeing the man who had broken her heart and left her pregnant. I hated it when she did that. I hadn't done anything wrong, yet I felt the weight of the guilt of actions I had no hand in.
"I was working as a waitress. The first time he walked in I noticed him straightaway. He was tall and handsome." The daydream look gave her a brief break from the pain. "When he noticed me, he gave me a smile that made my knees go weak. And that was it."
Knowing then what she did now, I always wondered if she would make the same mistake all over again, and the look in her eyes told me she would. My father had used her and when confronted with an unwanted pregnancy, he had discarded her.
It still didn't fit with the man who had left me all his money. I would probably never know why. Had he been trying to make it up to me in some way?
“We saw each other every spare moment we could. I knew he was married but I believed him when he told me that he was going to leave her for me." She gave a dry laugh. "I should have known better but I was naive. Love is blind."
My jaw tensed while I listened to my mother relive her heartache.
Her hand trembled slightly as she brushed her hair out of her face. That inner part of me that didn't want to care began to crumble. On the outside I was stiff and unmoving but inside it felt like I was being shaken to the core.
"When I first discovered I was pregnant I was elated."
She pressed her lips together. Her emotions bubbled to the surface and a tear streamed down her face.
"I was so excited... I couldn't wait to tell him." She let out a heavy breath. "He came by the restaurant I was working at. I couldn't wait until he could get another night away from his wife. I took a break and went outside to speak to him. I expected him to be happy but he wasn't."
She dropped her gaze to her hand. "He just left."
She let out a deep emotional breath. "And that was the end. He stopped taking my phone calls. It was like it hadn't happened and it had been a part of my imagination." Her eyes met mine. "But the morning sickness reminded me daily that I was still very much pregnant with you. I was so scared and alone. I had no one."
She had been my age when she had gotten pregnant with me. I couldn't imagine dealing with such a life-changing event with no one to help. Her home life hadn't been desirable and she had moved out of her parents’ home when she had turned eighteen. With a pregnancy and no boyfriend, it would have been too much for my grandparents to accept. No matter what life threw at me, at least I had Slater and Jeff.
"You're strong," she said out of the blue. There had been plenty of times in my life when I hadn't felt strong. "You won't fall apart like I did."
It made me feel sorry for her. I don't know if it was the bare truth of what my father had done to her or something in my DNA that connected us together that made me soften toward her.
"I'm not pregnant," I shot back, trying to break the heaviness of the atmosphere.
She laughed with her eyes still watering as another tear escaped. She wiped her face and this time she smiled at me.
"Love is a strong emotion but you're stronger. I wasn't."
For once I felt the need to defend her actions. "You were young and alone."
Our eyes held. I don't know what I was waiting for but I kept quiet.
"I'm sorry," she murmured softly. I felt the pain that had slightly ebbed began to throb with renewed life.
"I know."
"At least we still have time," she said, the sadness disappearing, and she gave me a weak smile. "I can be the mother you always deserved."
The lump in my throat made it difficult to reply and I nodded. There had been nights when I was younger that I had bent down on my knees, clasping my hands together, praying that she would wake up the next morning and be the loving mother I had needed.
Usually when things got this deep I was looking for an exit or a way to extract myself from it but this time was different. This time I didn't feel the need to escape.
My father was gone so there was no confronting him on why he had acted the way he had or why he had left all of his fortune to me. But my mother was still alive and we had a chance to try and make new memories to take the place of the old ones. They could never be completely forgotten but maybe I just needed to give her a chance to give me some good new ones I could remember when she wasn't with me anymore.
Her time was limited. Drinking had taken its toll on her body, especially her liver. She was fragile and although I had no exact time, I knew I couldn't count on any of the time we still had.
"We have time."
