Page 112 of Revealing Mark
“What do you want me to do?” he asked with a frown. “This is my job.”
I let out a heavy breath. “That’s the thing. I don’t want you to do anything. I want you to do what you want, I want you to be happy. But…”
“But what?” he rasped.
“I can’t do it.” There, it was out, and I waited for his reaction.
“Do what?” His eyes were fixed on me.
“Waiting and worrying. It nearly killed me this week, wondering if every phone call could be someone telling me something had happened to you.” It was difficult but necessary to tell him. My hands shook.
He rose and began to pace while I watched anxiously. Then he stopped.
“Fine. If this is what you want.” And with that, he went back into my bedroom. I wanted to rush after him and beg for him to stay, but I didn’t. I made myself sit, cradling my cup.
When he exited my bedroom, he was fully dressed, with his bag. He didn’t even look in my direction before he walked out without another word. The emotion I had been suppressing bubbled to the surface just as the door slammed shut behind him.
We were done. I had done the right thing, but I still felt so shitty. It would pass, I told myself. With each day it would get easier and eventually I would be okay with seeing him at family functions.
I didn’t want to think that maybe I had made a mistake, one I would forever regret.
For the first day, I kept it to myself as I worked through my heartache, but I knew I couldn’t keep it a secret. I also wanted to control any backlash my family might feel. This had been my choice and I wouldn’t allow anyone to treat Mark differently. He was still a part of my family and would stay that way.
“What happened?” Sophie asked, sounding stunned when I dropped the bombshell.
“I love him but I can’t spend the rest of my life wondering if today was the day I would get a phone call telling me something had happened to him.” I firmly believed my love for him would die a slow death over the years if I had stayed.
“I get it,” she whispered. “It wasn’t easy when Matty was doing it.”
She understood, like Sarah had as well when I spoke to her a little later. Even my parents were very understanding. My half-brothers and Maggie were more than understanding. My brother was the difficult one.
“Why didn’t you ask him to change his job?” he asked without batting an eyelid.
It was such a male thing to say. They looked at each problem in a logical way.
“I know how much his job means to him,” I tried explaining, unsure if my brother knew about Ethan. “I didn’t want him to change to be with me.”
My brother refused to see it that way. “You’re a coward.”
“What?” I gasped.
“You heard me,” he said, his expression dead serious. “It was your excuse to get out.”
My mouth dropped open at his brazen statement. “What are you talking about?”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” he shot back. “You struggle to let people in and when you finally did with him, it scared you.”
“No, that’s no—”
“I know you, Tracy.” He looked me straight in the eye. He had that way of cutting through the bullshit to get straight to the point.
“You don’t know anything about—”
“Stop,” he said, cutting me off. “If you truly wanted to work things out, why didn’t you sit down and have an adult conversation with him about it?”
I frowned. Was he right?
“You could have given him the option, but you didn’t. You didn’t even ask him if it was something he would consider.”
