Page 70 of Revealing Mark
I was becoming hysterical and I had to calm down. I turned away from them and took a breath to relax.Count to ten,I told myself.One, two, three…
“It was a very difficult time and we believed we were doing the best thing for you and our family.”
I closed my eyes briefly, feeling a sharp pain in my chest.
“I wasn’t proud of what I did…” I heard the regret in her voice. “And when I found out I was pregnant, I was scared, happy, and a bunch of different things.”
She paused and I looked back over my shoulder to see her share a look with my dad.
“Robert was a close friend I crossed a line with, but I loved your dad. We had been going through a rough patch in our marriage.”
As angry as I was, listening to her made me feel the uncertainty she must have dealt with. I wanted this to be clear cut. Them selfish and me the one who had been wronged, but it wasn’t that straightforward.
“Robert and I both realized that having the affair would hurt our partners but it would be worse if everyone discovered the truth about our infidelity. He didn’t want you to be known as the child who was the result of an affair.”
“But what about me? Didn’t I deserve to know? What aboutwhat I lost in all of this?” The pain in my chest seemed to spread with each word.
“We didn’t want you to think you were different from Matthew,” my dad said, and I turned to face him. “We didn’t want you to feel any less loved. Do you really believe you would still be as close to Matthew and Sophie if you had known?” In my eyes he was also partly a victim in this. “I love you as much as I love your brother and sister.”
That teared me up and I trembled. “And I love you even though I’m mad and not sure how long it’s going to take for me to forgive you.” I moved my gaze to my mother. “Or you.”
My mom nodded and my father got up to put his arm around her. She leaned against him and I could tell she was quietly crying. I didn’t want to see her upset but I wasn’t in a place to make her feel better when I felt so desolate inside.
“I know it might not mean much now, but we are sorry,” my dad said, hugging my Mom tighter. “There were many times we wondered whether we had made the right decision.”
“Robert loved you so much,” my mom whispered, and I felt my heart tighten. “I sent him photos through the years so he could see you grow up. I hadn’t heard from him in a while.”
“He was diagnosed with cancer. He died a few weeks ago.”
My mother teared up and my dad consoled her.
I remembered the photo album with all the photos of me. Some had been sent by my mother and some had been taken by him in secret.
“I need some space to figure things out,” I said, needing to get out of there. It felt like the walls were closing in and I was finding it difficult to breathe.
My mom stopped me. “We made a mistake. Please don’t punish us for it. If we could do things again maybe we would have done things differently.”
It didn’t matter because there was no going back, no undoing the decision. Would I be a completely different personif they had made a different choice? Being split between two homes for holidays and every second weekend? I couldn’t imagine it. Would my relationship with Matthew and Sophie have also been affected by it?
There were so many what ifs and, honestly, none of them really mattered now.
“When I’m ready to talk I’ll call you.” It was the best response she was going to get out of me.
“Sweetheart,” my dad said, but I shook my head.
“I don’t know how long it’s going to take but don’t push me.” I left with my hands shaking and my eyes tearing up. Seeing my parents so upset had also affected me. I didn’t want to see them like that but I couldn’t just pretend that none of this had happened.
This was a repercussion that couldn’t be swept under the mat.
Tears blinded me as I closed the door behind me. Outside in the sunshine I looked up to the sky and inhaled sharply. Air filled my lungs and for the first time I could breathe again. Then a sob tore through me and I put my hands to my mouth to smother the cry.
Getting back to work had taken more concentration than I had been capable of. My life was different and it was taking some time to get used to the idea of having more siblings. I wasn’t speaking to my parents at the moment, I was still too raw to try and forgive.
Matthew and Sophie had been greatly supportive.
Mark… Well, that was a whole different story. He had called and I had ignored his calls. I hadn’t listened to any of the voicemails he left. When I wouldn’t respond, he had started to send messages but I had deleted them before reading them. I wasn’t interested in anything he had to say.
I was surprised he hadn’t shown up on my doorstep. Ignoring him before had never worked, so I did wonder why he was keeping his distance this time.
