Page 80 of Revealing Mark
“My grandfather has been ill.”
The sadness seeped into his eyes and I reached out to touch him, but he stepped out of my reach.
“I’m sorry.”
He shrugged. “Shit happens.”
It explained so much and I wanted to soothe the pain from him but I kept myself from moving any closer. I wanted to know more but I was scared I would push him too far.
He looked uncomfortable while I studied him. “Was that so hard?”
“You have no idea,” he breathed. His eyes held mine.
I know I should have left it at that but I had to know more.
“How is he now?” I ventured, pretty sure he was going to shut me down.
“He isn’t going to get better.” The emotion was clear in his voice and it affected me. I found it difficult not to feel sad that he was going through this.
I swallowed. The only person I had lost was the father I had never met, so it was impossible to understand what he was going through, but I was going to try my best to support him. This was what being together was about.
It wasn’t just the amazing sex, it was leaning on each other through the thick and thin, good and bad.
“Is there anything I can do to help you?” I whispered.
He shook his head. “I’ve always done it on my own. I don’t know how to let someone else in.”
“You just did,” I admitted softly. “You let me.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready for this.” He rubbed his face before dropping his hands to his sides.
Just when I thought we were getting somewhere, he was pulling away from me. His words were slicing through me like a knife but I didn’t argue. This had to be his decision no matter how much it hurt me. I couldn’t make him stay, he had to want to.
“You’re the only one who knows that.” My shoulders slumped and I felt suddenly very tired.
My meeting with my dad had been emotional and this on top of that was more than I could handle.
We stood with only a few feet between us but it felt like we were worlds apart.
“Maybe we should hold off until you figure things out,” I suggested, finding it difficult to pretend it didn’t hurt.
“Maybe that would be best.”
I was still reeling when I felt him brush past me. The door closed and I felt myself sit down in the closest chair, feeling like the middle of my chest had just been seared. The pain was intense and I clasped my hands together to try and hold myself together.
It is for the best,I told myself. It would have hurt more if I had allowed it to continue without the conversation we had just had. But the ache in my heart didn’t agree. I had been so close to having him and I had let him go. It reminded me of the saying that if you truly loved something, you should set it free and if it was really yours it would find its way back to you, but I knew better than to even hope for that.
A tear trickled down my face and I sniffled. I had done the right thing even if it hurt.
For a while I sat, unable to focus on anything other than what I had lost, but then I had to question whether I had really ever had him at all.
I let out a heavy breath. At least I hadn’t made the mistake of telling Matthew about us.
This way we could pretend nothing had happened and my brother would be none the wiser. On one hand I was glad we wouldn’t be taking the risk of ruining his friendship with Matthew, but on the other I mourned for the loss of something I would never have.
It hadn’t been a complete shock as I had believed he wouldn’t find it easy to open up to me, but that did nothing to soften the ache or tears that burned.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
