Page 73 of When Storms Awaken

“No, not my lover. Not anymore.”

Not anymore. The words cut into me like a knife, and I couldn’t bring myself to meet his eyes again. I could feel tears rushing to the surface and stinging the back of my eyelids, but I bit my lip and pressed my head back, willing them away. I would not cry in front of him or his Shadow Queen.

“How long? How long have you been with her?” I asked, fearing the answer as I dug my fingernails into the palm of my hand hard enough to assuage the sting of tears at the back of my eyes.

“Almost two years,” he replied, voice quiet.

“How old does that make you?” I asked, slowly piecing things together.

“Twenty-two,” he answered. That confirmed that he had only joined Silver Oaks to get close to me, to complete his mission of bringing meandthe grimoire back to Donika. Was there anything hehadn’tlied about?

“Oh, how the lies and secrets continue to pile up,” I sneered, meeting his eyes again. No wonder he and Puck had been able to drink at battle of the bands.

“I will admit, I came to Silver Oaks with the intention of securing the grimoire and bringing you back to Donika, but things changed.”

“Things changed…” My voice sounded small in my own ears. “How did anything change?”

“You know how.” He swallowed hard as he leveled me with a blistering gaze.

“No, I don’t,” I replied. I needed to hear it. I needed to hear him say it, even if I didn’t trust him. Even if I didn’t believe him. Even if it wasn’t true.

“I…fell for you. I didn’t mean to, but I did. My feelings for you arereal, and that is the honest truth.”

“Bullshit. There’s not one honest thing about you, Nikolai.”

“Don’t say that.” His eyes softened in the glow of the lantern as he gripped the iron bars with his other hand.

“You used me. You betrayed me. You brought me to theone personthat would see me and my kinddead. You lied to me. How could I ever trust a word you say?” a hot, traitorous, tear spilled down my cheek and I hastily wiped it away with my dirt-covered sleeve.

“I will earn your trust again,” he whispered softly.

“I highly doubt that.” I laughed humorlessly. I wanted nothing more than to rip that broadsword from his back and slice him open with it, right here and now. My emotions mixed inside of me as if they were swept up in a tornado, threatening to overwhelm me. Sadness. Anger. Embarrassment. Longing. I had never felt anything like this before. I was drowning in it. How could one person elicit so many feelings inside of me, all at once? How could I want to both kiss him and kill him at the same time?

“What good could you possibly see in her?” I asked as my eyes continued to sting from unshed tears.

“She wasn’t always like this,” he replied. Of course, his first instinct would be to defend her. My eyes narrowed, and I pinned him with a seething glare as he gripped the iron bar tightly.

“In the beginning…she was different, I hadn’t seen this dark side of her. She hid it from me, lured me in. Yes, I had wanted power, I was hungry for it. But she deceived me, too. If I could rule this kingdom, no matter the cost, that is what I wanted. Even after she showed me her dark side, that she had lied to me about who she was, I was determined to rule beside her. I was willing to overlook it. I can see that I was wrong. That there are things far more important than power,” he said.

Tess scoffed beside me, mimicking my exact thoughts.

“Let’s say for one second that I believed you, which I don’t. Do you love her?” I asked, my jaw clenched tight, bracing for his answer and expecting the worst.

“No,” he breathed.

“Did you ever love her?” I asked.

He paused. “No.”

“It didn’t look that way to me, you two hadquitethe reunion,” I reminded him.

“That is the last thing I wanted…for you to see us that way. I couldn’t refuse her. Not now. Not when she has you in the Stormvault and your life is in danger. I would never let her hurt you.”

“And me?” Tess replied curtly.

“…And you,” he conceded. He knew I would never leave here without Tess, no matter what. No matter the cost.

“How does Donika look so…young? She appears to be our age and yet, she fought in the War at Siraleth?” Tess asked beside me, her unforgiving gaze locked on Nik’s.

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