Page 19 of When Storms Ruin

“Where is Tess?” I asked defensively.

“Downstairs with Puck, having her eighth meal of the day. You’ve been asleep a long time,” he replied.

“How long, exactly?”

I was scared to know the answer. The dream felt as if only moments had passed, but my legs were sore as if from disuse, and my hair was mussed beyond simply tangling.

“Three days,” he answered softly.

For the first time, I noticed the trays stacked by the side of the bed with food that had been brought up. I hadn’t been awake to eat them.

I had lost so much time to the Stormvault, I hated the idea of losing even more time to unconsciousness. I know I needed to rest, to regain my strength, but I had already lost three months of my life. I didn’t want to lose a moment more.

“Diana, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You need to rest. To heal. You endured so much in Akra, and it was my fault—”

“Don’t,” I cut him off, my hand out as if I could physically stop his words. “Just…don’t. Please. I can’t hear it right now.”

Nik swallowed hard, his gaze falling to his lap. “I understand.”

I waited to see if he would leave, but he remained on Tess’ side of the bed, his leg curled beneath him. There were bagsunder his eyes still, as if he hadn’t slept at all since we had arrived at the safe house.

Did his actions haunt him, the way they haunted me?

Finally, his voice broke the silence, and it sent a shiver down my spine. I cursed myself for responding to him at all, involuntary or not.

“Will you tell me what you saw? Why you were screaming?”

I didn’t trust him.

I didn’t forgive him.

But I…needed him.

He was one of the few people who could understand my dream walking and help me make sense of what I had seen, of what was happening to me.

“I was sucked into a dream,” I started. “I didn’t want to. I tried to wake up, but I couldn’t. I was in Donika’s throne room, and she was torturing innocent people. Zion was there, and he didnothing.”

I leaned my head back against the window, closing my eyes as I remembered the horrific screams, the pools of blood.

“What did she do?” he asked. His voice was a soft whisper, as if he were trying to calm a scared animal.

“She killed them. All of them. She accused a Nightshade guard of aiding us in our escape and she murdered him first. Then she murdered an entire group of innocent people. They stood accused of being a part of the resistance. I didn’t recognize any of them, but I will never forget their screams. The blood on the throne room floor. Their lifeless eyes glaringback at me. There was nothing I could do to stop her. This is my fault. They are dead because I escaped—”

“Neverbe sorry for escaping that hell.” Nik’s voice was ragged in the darkness as he moved closer to me on the bed. “Never. Do you hear me?”

I swallowed hard. It felt impossible to be thankful that I had escaped when those peopleneverwould. They would never see their families again. They would never go home. I bit my lip hard as tears stung the back of my eyes and my fist curled around the blankets.

“Her actions are not your fault. Do you understand? You do not need to carry this guilt. You did not kill those people.”

He reached out and clasped my hand that was fisted in the blankets, and I let him. He squeezed it, and I squeezed back.

A hot tear spilled down my cheek and I moved to wipe it away with my other hand. Nik reached out and grabbed that hand as well, his eyes on mine.

“You are allowed to be scared. You are allowed to be upset. You are allowed to grieve. You are allowed to feeleverythingyou are feeling right now. You don’t need to hide from me,” his voice was a velvety soft whisper.

A humorless laugh escaped my lips as I shook my head back and forth. I had promised myself I would never let him see me cry.

He pulled me to him and despite a voice in my head telling me this was a very,verybad idea, I buried my face in his neck, and I wept. I shed a tear for every person Donika had ever killed. For every day I spent locked in the Stormvault. For every lie I told myself to get through those days. I fisted hisshirt in my hands and pulled him closer, and he wrapped his arm around me tightly, his other hand wound in my hair.

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