Page 34 of When Storms Ruin

He held my gaze and I couldn’t turn away, despite knowing that I should. I wasn’t sure how to respond, and thankfully, he broke the silence with a humorless laugh.

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but the consequences of my own actions have beenunbearable.”

He turned to the stove where he added the chopped vegetables to a pot filled with water, his back to me.

The silence was deafening.

Did I believe him? That it had all been real for him? He had said as much in the Stormvault…but after that confession I hadn’t seen him formonths. The Stormslayer dagger was proof he was, in fact, thinking of me. But I still didn’t trust him. I couldn’t. He had taken my heart and utterly obliterated it. That kind of broken trust couldn’t be repaired so easily, if at all.

He gave the pot a stir before turning back to me, a sadness in his eyes. Maybe he knew there was no going back to the way things were before between us. That we would never be those people again, and everything that had transpired between us was…unfixable.

What we had was broken, and we couldn’t put it back together.

I took a deep gulp of wine and finished the glass. Nik let out a soft laugh as he grabbed the jug to refill my goblet.

“Nothing like a little light dinner conversation.”

“Tell me about it,” I replied, running a hand down my face.

“At least I knew my parents,” Nik said as he refilled his own glass. “I feel lucky, to have at least had that.”

“I’m not sure that’s any better.” I laughed quietly, shaking my head. “I didn’t know my parents, but at least that meant they didn’t have the opportunity to disappoint me so thoroughly.”

“True,” Nik conceded with a grin. “We both have some pretty messed up family issues, then.”

“I’ll toast to that.”

Nik filled wooden bowls with the warm vegetable stew, and we sat at the peninsula eating and drinking. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or cry, the sentiments swirling together inside of me to create an undecipherable cyclone.

“I have to admit…this is good,” I told him around a mouthful.

“I told you, I can cook,” he replied, turning to me with a smirk.

“Is there anything you can’t do?” I asked in challenge.

He pretended to ponder it for a moment before responding. “No, I am distinctly good at absolutely everything.”

I gave him a playful shove and his foot slipped off the rung of the stool, almost causing him to fall off. “You are so conceited,Kolya.”

If I didn’t lighten the mood and change the subject, my emotions threatened to pull me under and suffocate me. Ididn’t know how to be here…with him. I felt exposed to him in a way that I hated, and that was the very last thing I wanted. I didn’t want him to know how I felt at all. He needed to stay at arm’s length…or further.

I couldn’t be close to him. I couldn’t let him in again.

I could feel my anger transforming into something…different. Something murkier and enigmatic. I couldn’t quite determine how I was feeling, and that might have been the scariest part of all.

It was easier to stay angry with him, to let that fire fill me up and consume me.

“Hey now firecracker, I’ll let you know if I ever find something I’m not good at. But so far, I haven’t come up with anything. That doesn’t make me conceited.” He laughed hard enough that the corners of his eyes crinkled.

I realized that it was the first time I had seen himtrulysmile since everything that had happened. Despite still being angry with him, despite not trusting him, despite the emotions spiraling out of control inside of me, I couldn’t help but smile back.

Warrick was distinctly less forgiving of an instructor than Isaac. The first few days of blade training left me unable to walk, my muscles sorer than I had ever imagined possible. I limped home and spent my nights soaking my sore and battered muscles in a hot bath before falling into bed. Liss woke me each morning, and each morning I pulled the covers tighter, dreading the inevitable.

I knew I had to train hard, to learn to wield a blade and to protect myself, but I wastired. I was covered in cuts and bruises in various stages of healing. Each time Liss applied a healing skin spell, I would return to the safe house with more bumps and bruises.

Tess was taking to the sword training as a fish took to water. Being naturally athletic, she was a natural. But I had to admit…my aim was better. Stormslayer was a light blade, and it felt natural in my hand. Each time I bested Warrick,pushing him back, I could see Nik smirk out of the corner of my eye.

Today Nik and Puck joined in the sparring, and we broke off in pairs. Liss was an unparalleled swordswoman, and I couldn’t help but wonder how she was so skilled with a blade having been in the service of Donika as a maid, with no formal training at all. Isaac never joined these training sessions, but he did send Kenna.

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