“Are we ever going to talk about it?” he asked, an eyebrow raised.
“Talk about what?” I replied cooly.
“About how you almost gave your life up for mine? About how you almostdiedsaving me? About how you fought with more bravery than I have ever seen, even when you weren’t raised to fight? About how you slayed your enemies without a second thought?”
I shook my head, biting back the frustration gnawing at my insides. “I did what you trained me to do.”
“I trained you to sacrifice your life for mine?” he asked, his voice incredulous.
“I’m sorry if it makes you feel…awkward…or indebted to me in some way. I didn’t do it to make you feeluncomfortable, I just couldn’t stand to see one more person I care about die,” I seethed.
“You think I feelawkward?” he asked, taking another step towards me. “Uncomfortable?”
“I don’t know how you feel,” I replied, my voice raised. “Just a few seconds ago you couldn’t even look at me.”
“Did it ever occur to you that I couldn’t look at you becauseI almost lost you, too?” His voice was ragged. “That I held you inmyarms as the life bled from you?”
“Why would that matter?” I asked, searching his crystal blue eyes.
He was so close to me that I could smell the cinnamon on his breath, the sweet smell of the bodywash he had used on his skin. His mouth turned up into a twisted smile, his eyes sparked with anger. I would have taken another step backwards, but my knees were pressed up to the edge of the bed as far as I could go.
“Why would that matter?”he shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “You seriously don’t understand, do you?”
“Don’t understand what?” I asked defensively.
“ThatI’m in love with you,” he replied tightly, his jaw clenched. “That I would haveneverforgiven myself if you had died by Fletcher’s blade, or given your life for mine. That I wouldn’t want to live in this life without you.”
I opened my mouth to reply, but words escaped me.
“You seriously didn’t know?” he asked, his eyes burning with regret.
I shook my head back and forth, avoiding his gaze. His chest rose and fell with rapid breaths as I tried to gather my thoughts, to make sense of this.
I had pushed him awayso many times, I never imagined he would feel the same way about me ever again. I had rebuked him time and time again, told him I hated him and would never trust him again. I never had a hope that things could be repaired between us.
I met his gaze again, my eyes gleaming with unshed tears. “I didn’t know. That moment in the gym…at the safe house…I thought that was only a moment of lust and passion that we both gave in to.”
Nik flinched back, his mouth tense. He paused, holding my gaze before he spoke. “I understand if you don’t feel the same.”
He turned to step away, but I caught him by the front of his t-shirt in a tight grip. His eyes traveled down to my hand, then back up to mine, but I didn’t release my hold on him.
I swallowed hard, a thousand emotions battling for space within me.
Nik loved me.
We had been through hell and back, and Nikstillloved me.
And I had come back to him. After everything.
And I loved him.
“It’syouwho doesn’t understand,” I told him, tightening my grip on his shirt.
I held his gaze as my own swam with tears. His usual sarcasm and bravado were nowhere to be found in his expression. The only thing left was raw, stripped, and full of emotion. I held his heart in the palm of my hand, and he had trusted me with it. A tear slid free, trailing down my cheek. Despite himself he reached out, palming my cheek to wipe the tear away gently with his thumb.
“Why do you think I was willing to give my life for yours? You think I would do that for anyone? I couldn’tstandthe thought of losing you. When you stopped breathing I—” my words cut off on a choked sob.
Nik’s other hand moved to my neck, holding my face up to his.