Page 75 of When Storms Collide

I shook my head. “But I almost did. If it weren’t for Puck… ”

“Diana… ” her tone was uncharacteristically stern. Tess was always light, even when the situation didn’t call for it. “Please tell me you aren’t blaming yourself for what happened in the clearing.”

I wished I could tell her that. Everything falling apart… everything that had happened… I couldn’t help but think things would have been different if it weren’t for my actions. I was so hell bent on saving Nikolai that we lost Isaac and many other Shades from the resistance in the process. We almost lost Tess, too.

I opened my mouth to speak but Tess cut me off. “This isn’t your fault, you can’t think that for a single second. I can hold my own, you don’t need to be watching my back all the time. You were focused on the mission, as you should be.”

My gaze fell from hers. “But what if Annelise was right? What if I was willing to sacrifice too much to save Nikolai? What if it wasn’t even what he wanted? Everything is all fucked up.”

My breath blew out on a heavy sigh. I tilted my head back towards the library ceiling, my eyes tracing the architecture within the wood as I bit back tears that stung the back of my eyes.

“You can’t think like that.” Tess shook her head at me, but I could only see her out of my periphery. “None of this is your fault. Of course we were going to do whatever it takes to save Nikolai. Not just for you, but for all of us.”

I pushed back in my chair, glancing at her once more. Her amber eyes held immense sympathy within their depths. So much compassion. I hit the lottery when I met Tess, and I couldn’t help but think I didn’t deserve her sometimes. She was the best friend anyone could ask for.

I stood, grasping her shoulder and embracing her. She let out a deep sigh against my shoulder. “I know it isn’t my fault, but that irrational part of me simply won’t be quiet.”

She pushed me away, a twinkle of mischief in her eyes. “Sounds like you need something to get your mind off it. Sounds like you need anadventure.”

I breathless laugh escaped me. “I’m not sure I could handle any more adventures at the moment. I’ve got my hands full… I think I’ve had enough excitement for this month. Or for a lifetime, really.”

I collapsed back into the chair.

“Well once you’re up to it, I say we explore Siraleth a little. There’s so much here we haven’t seen. This was the capitol city once, before the war. I’m sure there’s lots to find. I’m dying to see the old ports.”

A soft smile graced my lips. “I would like that very much. Once things are a little quieter.”

“I’m not sure they will be until we kill this bitch,” she replied, tossing her chocolaty straight hair over her shoulder.

Her deadpan delivery made me laugh. “When we do, I am going to sleep for three whole days, I can promise you that much,” I replied, picking up the pencil and tapping it against the grimoire.

“Have you spoken to Nikolai?” she asked, her brow raised.

I inclined my head towards her as I laughed. “I knew you just couldn’t wait to ask me that. Always wanting to talk boys.”

“You know me.” She smiled down at me, wiggling her eyebrows.

“How about we talk aboutyourlove life instead,” I offered.

She shook her head. “Nothing to tell, everything is status quo.”

I peered at her with a skeptical gaze, one eye squinting. “Tess Fowler, tied down. I never thought I’d see the day.”

Tess laughed. “Me neither, to be honest. Puck isn’t like other men. He’s… kind. Strong. Gentle. Not to mention hilarious when he wants to be. But the dad jokes havegotto stop.”

Those same words could have been used to describe Nikolai, and a knot in my chest formed at the thought. He was so distant—I wasn’t sure I even knew who he was at all anymore. Tess could sense the shift in my mood and she hooked her foot under my chair, dragging me back towards the table.

“Talk to me. What’s going on?”

My jaw tightened as I thought about everything that had transpired since curing Nik in the Akra forest. It was like we were perfect strangers now. Tess could read the thoughts behind my troubled gaze.

“He will come back to you.” She rested her hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I’m not so sure,” I told her, glancing up at her with a shake of my head. “He feels so far away. He wants space, time to deal with this on his own. But it feels as if he’s already been gone for so long. I want to be able to fix things.”

“But you can’t,” she reminded me. “You can’t fix everything. You need to give him space to come to you, to take his time.”

“And if he never does?” I asked, my brow raised. “All the others care about is that the binding is back in place. I can’teven begin to tell you how immensely lonely it feels to be tied to someone—eternally bound—but they won’t even speak to you. Won’t even look at you.”

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