Page 38 of The Anchor Holds

And I hated that. I hated the person he knew.

“I’m not your whore,” I told him quietly, the words sharpened to blades.

“No,” he agreed flatly. “But you owed me. And?—”

“And you were willing to bluff your way into that deal?” I slammed my fist onto the dashboard. “Turning me into a whore if you lost.”

He didn’t react at all, not even inhaling audibly. The picture of composure. “I wasn’t going to lose.”

“You were bluffing.” My nails cut into my palms. It was one thing to do it with a hand you knew would beat all others, quite another with a fistful of nothing. Therefore, he knew he could lose.

“Bluffing is lying.” he remained emotionless. “We both know that I can do that.”

“Yes,” I murmured. “We do.”

“If I had lost, I wouldn’t have turned you into a whore.” He adjusted one of his Montblanc Heritage cufflinks. “Because you would’ve used that dagger strapped to your inner thigh on any man who tried to collect you as winnings.”

It didn’t surprise me that Jasper knew about the knife. He knew about it because he’d undressed me enough times to know I kept it there. I wasn’t stupid enough to go into any situation with Jasper unarmed. I was under no false impressions that he would protect me. Maybe he might, he probably would. Yet there was always a doubt there, a little sliver in the back of my mind that didn’t trust that he would save me. The danger in him was half of the reason I had continued to sleep with him; I liked courting death. Cheating it. But I wouldn’t rely on him for my survival. I wouldn’t rely on anyone. Relying on people I didn’t trust would get me killed. Relying on people I did trust would getthemkilled.

Jasper saving my life would ensure that I owed him another favor. That I owed him my life.

I’d rather die than accrue that debt.

My mind connected the dots quickly, shame blanketing me for not doing so the second Jasper made the bet.

My time with the good and honest people of Jupiter had made me rusty, something that could be fatal.

“You didn’t care if you lost.” I shook my head. “Because you’d win either way. If you won the hand, you’d get what you wanted. And if I killed him, you’d get what you wanted by default, I assume.”

Jasper didn’t even respond. His silence itself was confirmation.

I’d never killed someone before.

Not with my own hands.

Not that I didn’t have the stomach for it. I was sure I could do it, especially if it was my life for theirs. Especially if I was presented with the neck of a war criminal rapist like Chip Hollows.

But the opportunity had never presented itself. Even though I found myself in the employ of some of the most ruthless murderers on the planet, I made myself blind to that side of it—until there was no way I could escape it. I had always recognized the veneer of civilized businessmen speaking in veiled threats.

And my previous employer was not just a businessman. I’d known that from the start.

I was sure some of the work I did for them damaged lives. Maybe even ended them. That’s why I had stopped sleeping toward the end. That’s why I relied on uppers like cocaine to keep my edge and to stave off my conscience, which started whispering at me the second I made the first deal, then graduated to screaming by the time I was in too deep.

No, I’d never physically killed anyone, but I didn’t wear a knife strapped to my thigh for fashion’s sake. Though Icomprehended that before things were all said and done, I might have to kill someone in order to stay alive.

“Then I’d owe you.” I watched the city flash by as the car approached the airport. “Because of course, you’d cover it up, get rid of the body, keeping some crucial piece of evidence, likely security footage, linking me to the crime.”

Again, Jasper stayed silent.

Fury licked up my throat.

Not at Jasper. He was acting exactly like the man I’d watched him turn into. I was mad at myself. For letting myself get so fucking deep.

But I couldn’t find it in me anywhere to regret the particular decision that led me here. It could’ve very well saved an innocent girl’s life. I doubted it was enough of a good deed to erase all my bad ones, but it was one that could quiet my screaming conscience.

Luck.

The fact that I hadn’t killed a man and wasn’t forever held in check by Jasper and his employers had all been due to luck.