Page 117 of Need You to Choose Me

What kind of expense would I be paying? “I don’t want Olive, or anybody else in my life, to be front and center for all this bullshit. They claim to be fans, but I barely see anybody coming to her defense.”

Clarkson is quiet for a second. “Has your agent said anything to you about doing some press?”

Kyle reached out to yell at me for not informing him that I was “involved” with somebody with connections to the Rangers. As if I’m sleeping with a fucking spy. Then he asked if that was why I got bent out of shape when he brought Olive up when she was seen with Hoffman.

I told him to fuck off.

Then I hung up on him.

He should have been on top of the latest pictures before Olive ever saw them.

“The only thing he wants to do is focus on sponsorships and the upcoming season.”

“Word of advice?Heworks foryou. Without you, he won’t get paid. So make him worth your while. If it benefits him, I’m sure he’ll do it. And if you get the public on your side, they’ll stop focusing on who you’re dating and start focusing on how you’re playing. Sponsors will pick shit up too if they see you present yourself a certain way.”

“And how exactly am I supposed to act?”

He rolls his eyes. “Like yourself, O’Conner. Isn’t that why Olive likes you? Sure as shit can’t be that shiny personality.”

I can’t help but snort in amusement.

My eyes go down to the paper in my hand. It would be a good opportunity for Olive, but I don’t know if she’ll want to take it if it means being tied to me and the team if people are going to talk shit the whole time.

“If people are talking now, what are they going to say when they hear she got an internship with us? We both know women get attacked more online than men. They’ll say it’s because she’s sleeping with me. Some people are going to say it’s because she slept around with all of us.”

“Their opinion doesn’t matter, but if you want to change it then get your agent to set something up. A one on one with the people. Let them ask some questions but make your boundaries clear. That’s what I did.”

If only it were that easy. Then again, you don’t see anyone talking about Clarkson and Belle’s close relationship online. I guess a charming smile can go a long way. “Their opinion matters to her, even if she pretends it doesn’t.”

“I don’t know her well,” he admits, “but it seems like she’s got a strong head on her shoulders. And if she doesn’t get a spot with the Penguins, she probably will with New York’s team. Then they’ll say it’s nepotism that got her there. Look, I’m notsaying it’s fair. But it’s the name of the game sometimes. Life isn’t always fair, but nothing we want comes easily anyway.”

Damn if he isn’t right. “If it were Belle in her shoes going through this, what would you do?”

Clarkson’s eyes darken. “I’d tell the public to mind their own business and support Belle in whatever she wanted to do.”

“Even if it puts her in front of the public for the vultures to pick apart? If she gets this internship, she’ll be with the team a lot.”

I can see the subtle tic of his jaw. “Would Olive stop you from playing hockey if it meant getting bad PR sometimes?”

The answer is easy. “No.”

He gives me a pointed look.

I wet my lips. “Fair point.”

“Give her the form, O’Conner. Give her the opportunity before you take it away.”

My gaze drops back down. “I’m used to being the logical person who has no choice but to make the decisions, no matter how hard they are. I’ve been that way since I was younger. And I know this life isn’t for everybody. Some people in my life can’t handle the kind of attention that comes with knowing me.”

Clarkson is quiet, watching me.

“My mom…” I swallow the words for a minute and take a deep breath. “My mom is sick. She’s in Pennsylvania at a mental hospital, and I put her there. She doesn’t want to be there, but it’s what she needs. I know it is. I’m afraid of the day she’ll finally be okay enough to get out only to go down whatever dark rabbit hole that my life puts her in. I don’t want this—the media or the outsiders—to destroy her. I don’t want the press getting their hands on the story. She’s not a story to be told. She’s a person.”

His eyebrows arch. “I get that, man. And I’m sorry it’s been tough with your mom. That’s got to be hard. But Oliveisn’tyour mother. You don’t need to be the one who makes all the toughcalls to protect her. All you can do is be there for her and set those boundaries with everybody outside of your relationship. You can’t stop living your life for others. Not even for your mother. Is this what you want to do? Hockey?”

“Hockey is theonlything I’ve been sure about my whole life.” My lips rub together. “And Olive.”

“You’ve worked your ass off to be here.” He grips my shoulder. “So don’t throw it away because of whatcouldhappen. There are a lot of people who are able to keep their personal lives private. As long as you’re open about wanting that, people will understand.”

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