Page 16 of Need You to Choose Me

Snorting at her comment brought on by four hours of sleep and lack of caffeine, I prop Bentley up on my thigh. “I’ll make sure me and my imaginary boyfriend get right on that.”

Her eyes roll as she wiggles her fingers at her son sitting happily in my lap. “I’m not saying it has to happen anytime soon. I’m simply pointing out that you’re naturally maternal. Bent loves you.”

I’ve never given any serious thought to having kids before. It’s something I’ve been on the fence about my whole life. For a lot of reasons. The biggest of them being my lack of relationships where that train of thought is warranted. Alex was the closest I came to feeling like I’d found my person, but he refused to label it. Eventually, I had to accept that what I thought was love was just…misinterpreted infatuation.

Like, super misinterpreted.

I think about his phone call, dampening my good mood. He wanted a pep talk like we were friends, and I was stupid enough to indulge him because I recognized the slight tremor in his voice.

He needed me.

And being needed felt…good.

It felt like the best thing in the world.

But telling him to fuck off was up there too.

“I don’t know if I want kids,” I admit, bouncing Bentley on my leg. He looks up at me with those big round blue eyes and smiles. “I don’t have anything against kids. But…” I shrug, not sure if I can explain it.

“Kids aren’t for everybody,” my best friend comments easily. “But we’re young, still. You might change your mind down the line, and that’s okay if you do. I definitely didn’t plan to have a child anytime soon.”

When she told me the news, I was shocked. Even though we’re twenty-one, it felt like she was announcing a teenage pregnancy. Like at any moment, MTV was going to show up with cameras and film her pregnancy and labor like they did on16 and Pregnant.

Ironically, I’d loved that show when I was a teenager. For someone who never cared that deeply about having children of her own, I tuned in every week to watch the trainwreck unfold. It was no different thanThe Secret Life of the American Teenagerabout a teen getting pregnant in high school. My mother started worrying that I’d be influenced to follow in their fictional footsteps, which I found odd. I didn’t exactly have boys knocking down my door, much less trying to get in my pants.

But whatever.

“What are you smiling at?” she asks me.

I didn’t realize I had been. “I was thinking about that God awful show about the girl who got pregnant by the bad boy drummer at band camp. It doesn’t matter. I’m glad you had Bentley.”

Her eyebrows dart up, but they neutralize when Bentley giggles and starts clapping his hands. She mimics him. “Danny and I are talking about where to move after I graduate.”

The news makes me look from Bentley to her. It makes sense. Her family lives in California and his lives in Massachusetts. When they found out they were pregnant, they started renting a house outside of Lindon that was only minutes away from the campus while she finished undergrad, and he finished his master’s program.

“He’s almost done with grad school, isn’t he?” I ask.

She nods. “I’ll be finishing my senior year when he’s done, so we need to get serious about what comes next. My parents want to be around their grandson, but so do his family.”

“Which is hard to do when they live on opposite coasts.”

Her frown wrinkles her lips. “I miss my family. And the sunshine.” Her sigh is heavy. “Ireallymiss the sunshine. But Cali is so expensive. We’d have to live with my parents until we found something cheap. And it would take a long time to save up for that. Both of our families have offered to help, but we want to do it on our own.”

I don’t envy her. “What does DJ think?”

She reaches for her son and holds him against her, pressing a kiss to his head. Her cheek rests against his. “His family is willing to move. But that seems like a lot to ask, even if they have the money.”

That’s sweet, though. “It’s good that you have that option. I know you both want your families involved in Bentley’s life.”

She peppers more kisses on his chubby cheek and then settles him onto her hip. “We’re lucky,” she agrees. “Every time I think I have time to think about it, I realize we only have a year.”

Now that finals are over, we’re officially seniors.Seniors. “We’re almost adults,” I comment. “Like, out of college and need to get a job kind of adults.”

And I’m nowhere near closer to figuring out what comes after I get my degree.

Her face scrunches. “That’s scary.”

“Says the chick with a baby.”

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