Page 72 of The Six Murders of Daphne St Clair

RUTH:And James?

DAPHNE:He was a city boy like me. We’d put them all in the local private school, Abrams Country Day, and it was full of jocks. It was hard for him to make friends there because my son didn’t want to play lacrosse; he wanted to be at a museum or taking pictures. I was worried about James and I was worried about my marriage with Robert. I was starting to hear that little voice again, that little whisper that reminded me how much easier it was to keep the money but not the man. But I was trying to ignore it.

RUTH:You haven’t mentioned Gabrielle yet.

DAPHNE:Well, it turns out fresh air isn’t a cure for being an asshole. She was rude, and she’d steal stuff that belonged to the twins and me. In Abrams, she made friends with kids who were older than her and would be out at parties, smoking and drinking. She was so defiant of me. And the worst part was that Robert never noticed.

One night, when we were in the bedroom, I tried to talk to Robert again.

“Robert, Gabrielle has been so rude lately. And she’s always out. During the week when you’re not around, she never makes her curfew,” I said, curling up against him in bed.

“You keep telling me this but I see a sweet little girl,” he replied, shifting as if he was trying to get out from under my body.

“She’s manipulating you. Trust me, she’s not that sweet. I know she smokes and drinks, and those sleepovers are just house parties,” I snapped.

“Maybe you can’t stand the fact that I have a daughter. Maybe you’re just jealous. She’s a little girl who lost her mother and all you do is antagonize her,” Robert said coldly, turning over in bed so he was facing away from me.

“She antagonizes me! And she’s making the twins’ lives hell,” I protested. Slowly, stiffly, he climbed out of bed, clutching his pillow.

“I don’t believe a word you’re saying. And I think it’s disgusting that you’re trying to poison me against my own child.” Robert stomped to the doorway in his pajamas, still clutching his pillow. “I’m going to move to the guest bedroom. I’ll come back when your attitude improves.”

“Fine,” I hissed. “Then just leave!”

He shut the door but not before glancing back at me one last time in bewilderment. I balled up my hands and punched a pillow, my ring cutting into my finger with every hit.

That night I didn’t sleep, too consumed by all the old feelings.

DAPHNE:Almost a year passed. It was October 1974 and I was still living in Abrams. I had no friends, no hobbies, and so much hired help that I couldn’t even distract myself with housework, not that I was everthattempted. Robert would get up early and leave for work in the city and I would drive the kids to school. And then I would just. . . sit around until it was time to pick them up.

RUTH:That’s it? You’d just sit around?

DAPHNE:Pretty much. I watched a lot of TV. I made cocktails. Sometimes I took a Valium, just to forget about it all. But that’s it, really.

RUTH:This seems out of character for you. Did you think about the past?

DAPHNE:All the time. Sometimes it would just hit me. I’d be driving back from the grocery store or watching the twins compete in dressage and I’d think: I killed four men. And when I was poisoning David and Geoffrey, I’d felt like I had so much power over my own life. Remembering that impressed me but it also made me sad. I used to make things happen. Now life was just happening to me.

RUTH:How was your marriage to Robert?

DAPHNE:Terrible. After he moved into the other bedroom, he never moved back. He claimed it was insomnia, but I knew he couldn’t forgive me for not loving his daughter. And I couldn’t forgive him for ruining our happy life.

RUTH:This might sound callous to ask, but why hadn’t you already killed him?

DAPHNE:Now, I’ve always been a big believer in murder as a way to fix my problems, but killing Robert wouldn’t solve anything as there was still the problem of Gabrielle.

RUTH:Then what about divorce?

DAPHNE:Well that’s expensive, and if I planned on going back to the city, I wanted to afford a good life for my kids. Robert was also very clever with money and he had a lot of lawyer friends. I didn’t want to leave him and end up penniless.

RUTH:What did you fight about?

DAPHNE:Gabrielle mostly, and the way we argued. It infuriated me; I couldn’t control anything in my life, not even a kid. Robert blamed me for it, saying that I was cold to her and treated her worse than my own children. Everything was my fault.

RUTH:Seems like you were definitely out of the honeymoon phase.

DAPHNE:Yes, the margaritas had melted and we were all sunburnt. Honestly by that point it was pretty obvious that Robert didn’t even like me anymore, much less love me. And that feeling was sure as shit mutual.

My kids were still struggling with Gabrielle as well. James, reacting to all the conflict in the house, seemed to retreat further into himself, spending more and more time at the library. He was at the top of his class and never caused me any trouble, but I missed my best friend and hated that he didn’t feel comfortable at home anymore. The twins had it worst though. They seemed particularly vulnerable to her torture because they were only two years younger than Gabrielle. One night, I found Rose sobbing in her bathroom, long after everyone else had gone to sleep. She was huddled up by the toilet, crushing a towel into her face to muffle the noise.

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