Page 59 of Privilege

23

VALE

For some reasonit feels different, quieter, once Ami is out of sight, walking back down Spenard. I stand for a few more minutes, gazing out, letting the sun warm me through my clothes. I feel a strange tingle, almost a burning in my throat, and find myself wishing she had stayed a little longer. It feels worse here without Ami.

I shake myself and head inside, my mind flicking back and forth from the image of Ami sitting at my room, at my desk, facing the window, to the sight of her swimming in the pool.

The throat feeling intensifies, and I wonder if I’m coming down with something. I head to the cafeteria and grab a big glass of water, chugging it down. The sounds of clinking silverware, clattering plates, and the low voices of the Forge are familiar. After I drink the water I feel better.

A lot of times the cafeteria annoys me. All the people, all the commotion. I’d rather eat alone in my room. But the thought of taking a plate up to my empty room, eatingalone at the desk where Ami was sitting…shoot, my throat is burning again. I blink rapidly as my eyes itch. I’ll take something for allergies before bed.

I decide to stay down here, not ready to face the silence of my room with only thoughts of Ami for company.

I scan for her friend Zeph, and my feet take me over to him once I have a full plate of food in my hands. Zeph looks tired, beaten down, as all the new recruits do. The mental and physical training my father has designed for them is no joke.

I went through it, in addition to all the extra training sessions he required me to do. I sit across from Zeph and he glances up, wary.

“Ami just left,” I say. I don’t know why, I’m not trying to tease him or make him feel bad. It’s just what I’m thinking about.

Zeph’s head swings around as if he might still catch a glimpse of her. “Here at the Forge?” His voice hardens. “Why was she here?” He’s suspicious. “And why didn’t I get to see her?”

“We’re still not sure what she’s up to.”

“I’m sure,” he argues. “She followed me here. I want to see her,” he says, louder.

“Calm down. I’m filling you in. I didn’t have to come over here. I’m trying to understand. It seems like she had everything back there, with her mom serving in the military, and the swimming and HighClear and everything.”

His face clouds.

“What?” I ask a little more forcefully than I mean to. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“No, you’re right.” He shakes his head. “Ami had a good life in the Society—the PS—” he corrects himself. “But she wasn’t happy. Not lately.” He stares off in the distance.

“When did you meet her?” I ask

“We moved onto the block after the Integration,” he explains.

Ah. He must have come after I left.

“I think a lot of people moved away, but when Ami and I met it was like, this is great. We went everywhere together.”

I’m hit with an unexpected wish to have been there too, having adventures with them. Or to have been the new kid, taken under Ami’s wing.

“What do you mean everywhere?” I try to remember Baltimore. My mom took me to parks and I played in our alley or at a friend’s house.

“All over the city. There were no cars or anything,” he explains.

The Peaceful Society banned cars while they were ramping up public transit, before they allowed e-cars.

“And there were the security stations.” He lowers his voice, looking apologetic.

I know the men here hate them, but I don’t care. I want to hear more about Ami. “Where would you go?”

“Everywhere. Every alley, every corner store. Ami had a bunch of places she liked to visit.”

“Like where?” I can’t help asking.

“The Y or the pool, the record shop, a chocolate shop, the old brewery.”

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