Page 104 of The Dicktionary Club

Fuck, fuck,FUCK!I could feel myself sweating, trying my best to barge through.

‘Excuse me! Excuse me!’ I called out.

‘Ella and I have also been working on a new project that launches tomorrow,’ Natasha announced. ‘And I would love it if you ladies could all sign up, so that together we can finally get our own back on the fucking arsehole loser men of Glasgow’s dating scene!’ There was a shedload of venom behind her voice, causing it to echo off every inch of the cathedral-like venue.

The room turned deadly silent. Natasha had the entire audience’s undivided attention.

‘What is going on?’ Alexander bellowed.

‘So, basically, there is now a website called the Dicktionary Club,’ she continued, taking the silence for encouragement, ‘and it reviews all the men that use dating apps in Glasgow, so you can read up on what total dicks their previous lovers had learned they are before you date them. Genius, right?’ A few drunken cheers came from some of Natasha’s friends, who clearly thought this stunt was a great idea. ‘But my personal favourite part of the website is the section on a celebrity – or Z-lister in this man’s case!’

Oh no.No. I could feel my heart plummet out of my arsehole. I began pushing more furiously, knocking people’s glasses out of their hands in my desperation to reach Natasha.

‘And this week’s special is Philip Khan, a local millionaire and playboy! And Ella, what a fucking hero, has actually fake dated him, to finally out him for being .?.?.’ She glanced at her phone, reading from it: ‘A cocky, arrogant, flashy, big-time show-off. Philip thinks he can buy affection with flowers and dinners. He is a complete womaniser and a full-on creep, who thinks any woman would fall for him because he has money!’

A few amazed gasps popped off around the room as I finallygot on the stage.

‘Isn’t that right, Ella?’ Natasha nodded at me, as if we’d been plotting this entire stunt together.

The lights shone back in my face. I was dizzy and my mouth was painfully dry. The entire film crew, production cameras and assorted paparazzi faced me.

‘And I should know, babe. He did the same to me!’ Natasha confided drunkenly – to me, and the whole of Glasgow.

Wait. What was she talking about?

I glanced across the room at Philip, who stood frozen to the spot. People who recognised him were pointing and whispering as Natasha spoke, their eyes darting between the stage and him. Eventually, he locked eyes with me just as my head caught up.

Who was Natasha upset over that day in the gym?

Philip.

He held my gaze for one agonising moment, before he turned and stormed out.

‘Wait, no, wait!’ I cried, rushing down the stage steps and pushing back through the crowd to try and follow him.

What had Natasha done? Was she insane? Why would she fucking do this?

I wanted to vomit. I wanted to cry. I had to explain.

I pushed and budged my way outside just as Philip reached the bottom of the steps.

‘Philip, stop!’ I called out, tears flooding my face.

‘Don’t! Fucking don’t!’ he yelled back.

I continued regardless until he was close enough to touch. ‘I can explain!’ I puffed out. ‘I promise I didn’t want to hurt you.’

He turned around, his eyes glassy with tears. ‘You have humiliated me, strung me along, and for what? To launch a gossip website?’

I gulped down, knowing that was exactly what I had done.

‘Yes,’ I yelped. ‘But I didn’t know you then, and now that I do—’

‘Now that you do?’ Philip snapped, catching his breath. ‘But I don’t fucking knowyou!’

I could feel myself shaking. ‘I know. I know how bad this sounds, but—’

‘Bad? You may have just ended my career tonight. Do you realise that? Do you realise what this looks like to the press? To my clients? I’m a fucking laughing stock! What about my family? What will they think?’ He was clutching his head, still joining all of the puzzle pieces together.

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