Page 25 of The Dicktionary Club

‘LOHL?’ I whispered to Katy.

‘Love of her life,’ she interpreted quietly.

‘I just feel like such a fool!’ The crying girl began sobbing loudly, comforted by the surrounding group of women.

Katy and I tutted in disgust.

‘What a dick!’ I said. ‘Were you together long?’

She nodded through sobs. ‘We only had two official dates, but they were incredible. You know that way when you meet someone, and you just know it’s going to be forever?’

‘YES!’ Katy agreed instantly.

And there lies the problem, I thought.

‘Then he walks past me like I’m a piece of shit on his shoe!’

‘He was wearing Prada shoes. Did you notice that?’ one of younger girls asked another.

‘I’ve phoned and messaged him so many times, but he’s totally ghosted me! I knew he was going on a work trip, and I even checked the flight scanner just in case his plane was hijacked or bombed or something. I was scared. I mean, I almost Facebooked his mother, for God sake! It’s like, you meet someone, have this instant connection, plan your entire life outin your mind with them, just so they can stroll right past you a week later like you’re a complete stranger!’

An older woman, who must have been overhearing the conversation while towelling herself dry, shook her head in disgust. ‘It’s so triggering.’

‘Awful,’ another added. ‘To be blanked like that. Traumatic, much?’

‘Wow! Hey! Look, you girls need to stop,’ I panted, feeling overwhelmed.

They turned to me, their eyes all wide in surprise.

‘I know this man has hurt you. It’s bad, and I’m so sorry you built this up in your head, but God, if he can just ghost you without an explanation, then aren’t you glad to be rid of him? What would happen if you actually did something wrong? Trust me, you’re better off finding out now what sort of person he is rather than a year down the line.’

‘Ella!’ Katy warned, giving me a sharp elbow to the ribs.

‘No, I’m sorry, but men are dicks, end of. Especially this generation. Let’s face it, they think we are so easily accessible and expendable. If they get bored or the chase is over, they can easily swipe right for the next poor girl!’

A silence fell on the group.

‘OK, look, what’s your name?’ I asked the teary-eyed girl.

‘Natasha,’ she mumbled.

‘Natasha, did you sleep with this man?’ I asked.

She began to nod, and the wailing recommenced. ‘We madelove, yes!’

‘OK, and did he instantly go cold afterwards?’

I watched the cogs slowly turn in her head, trying hard to admit the truth to herself. ‘Well .?.?.yes. But honestly, the night was so romantic, beautiful and perfect. It was like a movie!’ She paused momentarily. ‘Well, I thought it was.’ Natasha glanced up to me in a panic. ‘What did I do wrong?’

I shook my head, put down the cans of Blaze Boost and squeezed my arse onto the bench beside her. ‘You didn’t do one thing wrong, OK? I bet he had the best night too! BUT after that, the chase was over for him. He got what he wanted and moved on to the next silly blonde!’ I paused. ‘No offence, girls,’ I added, noticing the amount of peroxide hair surrounding me.

‘So, what should we do? Never have sex again?’ one of the girls asked, laughing at my pep talk.

‘Not an acceptable option, right?’ Katy said, then smirked towards me. ‘So instead .?.?. you could get payback!’

I nodded at my friend, who had finally caught up with my idea. ‘How would you girls like to work for us, getting revenge on ALL the men in Glasgow who have mistreated you, simply at the click of a button?’ I asked, observing their curious faces.

When I saw that they were receptive, I went on with my pitch. ‘We have created a club, exclusively for women who have been through similar experiences to Natasha and my friend Katy here.’

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