Page 26 of The Dicktionary Club

Katy held her hand up. ‘Yip, I was fed up of constant heartbreak and getting abandoned to feel like it was all my fault. But my best friends reminded me that it wasn’t actually me at all. It was the horrible dickhead men who are out there on dating apps.’ She took a breath and continued, ‘So, we have thought of the ultimate way to expose them! How would you girls like to be part of a community of women who leave honest and vital feedback on the scumbags they’ve dated?’

‘We,’ I butted in, pointing to Katy, ‘are currently trying to date as many men as possible to create the foundations of our database of pricks, but if we have a team of girls like you dating as many men as you can, the website will go live to subscribers even quicker!’

I looked around; these women were entranced! I knew they wanted to hear more, so on I went.

‘So, if you start talking to a guy, for instance, and you think,hmm, he seems nice,I might meet up with him. Right? Rather than wonder how genuine he is from the get-go, you can cut all the crap and simply log in to the website and read previous reviews from women who have dated him in the past. You’ll get a sneak peek on how he really treats us!’

‘So, it’s like a Trust Pilot for men?’ one of the women asked.

‘Precisely!’ I smiled back.

‘And you just need us to go on dates?’ a smaller red-headed girl asked, raising her shoulders.

Katy smiled. ‘Go on dates, have fun. We’ll give you a list of questions, and you can submit them onto the webpage after the date.’

‘Like, how good were his manners?’ the posh girl piped up.

‘Like a general review, yes.Did he pay? How was his chat? Did he make his intentions clear? Was he a catfish?’ I smothered a laugh, reminding myself of Katy’s big-headed beast date from yesterday.

‘And, if things go well, how big his dick is!’ Katy added.

The girls burst out laughing.

‘Help us give the women of Glasgow their power back in the dating world!’ I said, feeling inspired.This was the best off-the-cuff pitch I’d done in ages.

‘I’ll do it,’ one said.

‘Me too,’ another added.

‘I will as well!’

‘Natasha?’ Katy held out her hand, and Natasha grabbed it.

‘Sign me up! Yes!’

I wrapped my arm around Natasha and hugged her tightly.

‘Wait. What is the website called?’ she asked.

Katy caught my eye and we both smiled widely. ‘The Dicktionary Club!’ we cried in unison.

Over the next half-hour, we collected the girls’ phonenumbers and added them to a WhatsApp chat calledthe Dicktionary Divas. We also filled in Zola, who promised to create logins so they could start uploading reviews immediately. Then, not forgetting what we were there for, we filmed some great content for Katy’s Blaze Boost campaign in the changing room.

As Katy and I headed out, I felt empowered and lifted up by the women we’d just met. They were just as excited at the prospect of the Dicktionary Club as us, and I started to think of the opportunities it could bring. Like, maybe we could create merchandise? Or a podcast channel? With mine and Katy’s marketing background and Zola’s tech genius skills, the possibilities were endless.

Katy was scrolling through her phone at the videos of our new friends with a giant infectious grin. Her brown hair was scraped back from her face with a little claw clip holding it together, and I was struck again by how she had the smallest, most delicate features. Sometimes she would moan about them and say she wanted her lips done, but I loved her mouth. She had perfectly defined little lips and straight, white teeth. Katy was beautiful in the most natural way.

‘What do you think?’ I asked her, heading back to reception.

‘It’s great! I think Andrea will be buzzing with this,’ she said as she scrolled. ‘But. Wait .?.?.’ Katy paused and grabbed my arm.

‘Oh, what? What now?’ I moaned.

‘It’s all women! We need men!’ She jolted her head towards the male changing rooms, and I laughed.

‘No! No way! We’ll get lifted,’ I insisted.

‘We need men, Ella. We can’t look like we’re advertising a drink for women only!’

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