Page 35 of The Dicktionary Club

‘Who is it with, and where? Tell me it’s not fucking ice skating!’

She shook her head. ‘No, no. So, lunch is with Ian. You can even meet up for a drink if you don’t fancy eating. He is a little older .?.?.’ She lowered her voice and covered her mouth as if she was telling me a classified secret. ‘And he is a bit of a DILF if you ask me! He’ll meet you at The Social at one.’

I huffed at the thought, although The Social was only around the corner from the office. ‘And tonight?’

Zola petted out her bottom lip. ‘Tonight is with Alvaro, and he is my favourite out of everyone. He’s so adorable, Spanish, and he’s studying law. Now this man is a complete sweetheart!’

‘And where am I meeting him?’ I asked, knowing I’d make my own mind up about his sweetheart qualities.

‘Drinks at Ashton Lane, so not too far for you.’ Zola turned her head towards Katy, who was still wholly engrossed in her phone. ‘Katy, who are you meeting with tonight? Any dates?’

Katy turned, a little flushed. ‘Erm.?.?. well, I think I’m going to see Harry again.’

Zola tutted. ‘Again! We need a one-page review, Katy, not afucking PhD dissertation on the man.’

Katy giggled and put her phone on her desk. ‘Guys.’ She paused dramatically. ‘I think I might be falling for him.’

Zola and I glanced at one another, then back to Katy, who was beaming.

‘Katy .?.?.’ I began.

‘Babe, you’re not,’ Zola interrupted, cutting to the chase. ‘You can’t fall in love, Katy. This is work! And you’ve known the man a matter of days.’

I couldn’t help but smile at Katy’s naivety around men. ‘Katy, we literally started this entire website for you to get your own back on these kinds of men. To raise awareness.’

‘And if I fall in love in between, Ella? What a bloody story for the grandkids!’ I could tell her mind was floating around the clouds like some love-struck teenager again.

‘Please tell me you haven’t told him this?’ I asked, knowing how this would end for her.

‘Well, no. Not yet. But I’m out of the Dicktionary Club when it comes to dating. I’d feel bad. We haven’t spoken about seeing other people, but I feel committed. He’s the one, guys. I can feel it. He’s funny, kind, has a good job, he’s well-travelled .?.?.’

‘You’ve only met him – what? – a couple of times, Katy,’ I said softly. I wasn’t trying to burst her bubble completely, but I wanted her to be more cautious, knowing how many times we’d been in this situation before.

‘When you know, you know, Ella!’ she snapped back. ‘Besides, the recruits from the gym are uploading like mad. I just checked and we have over forty reviews handed in overnight already. Like Zola said, they must be filling out old dates and things.’

‘Forty reviews.’ I could see Zola’s breathing change, like she was trying her hardest not to go completely tonto. ‘Katy, do you know how many people live in Glasgow?’

I could feel the tension rise between my friends.

Katy shrugged, looking unbothered. ‘Like twenty, thirty thousand?’

‘Try seven hundred thousand, and that’s in Glasgow alone! A high proportion of that sevenhundredthousand, in relationships or not, use Tinder or other dating apps! We have SO many more men to review before we launch this site to users and expect them to pay.’

Katy lowered her head. ‘Look, I know. I’m sorry. I really am. I just haven’t felt like this for a long time.’

I bit my lip, trying not to giggle, knowing how often she fell in and out of love.

‘Look, it’s fine. Katy, date Harry. I have a couple of dates today, so we’ll see how they go,’ I said diplomatically, trying to ease the tension at our station. I turned to Zola, who was still visibly fuming. ‘As Katy said, the girls from the gym are uploading dates continuously now too. We can still do this! And, Katy, you should also upload all your previous dates from before Harry. That way, the content will still be building.’

‘Yeah, yeah, no problem. I can do that,’ Katy replied happily, picking up her phone and returning to the screen with a smile.

Zola gestured to Katy. ‘And we’ve lost her again.’

*

Despite the awkward start, the rest of the morning went well, and for the first time I received a few interesting emails from the press requesting more information about Alexander Cambi coming to Scotland. But I couldn’t get back to them until I’d secured a venue. I had no new leads, and I still hadn’t heard back from Philip Khan. It was looking more and more likely that I’d be packing a shitty bowling club in Possil full of my friends and family posing as art collectors.

Before I finished up for lunch and my first date of the day, Zola showed me a picture of Ian. He looked in his mid-forties, tall with salt-and-pepper hair and a nicely trimmed beard. He was certainly attractive in his photographs, but I wondered why a successful man in his forties had yet to settle down. Or maybe this was his second rodeo after a divorce? Then again, I was about to find out. I wasn’t sure whether it was his suggestion or Zola’s to meet at The Social, but it did seem a little bit of a younger vibe for a well-to-do businessman. However, I liked it, and with its excellent city centre location and fruity cocktails, I was looking forward to getting the questionnaire filled out and reporting back to the Dicktionary Club.

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