Page 37 of The Dicktionary Club

‘I’m sorry. I just don’t like beating around the bush. We’re both adults,’ I said. ‘And my job is pretty intense; I’m sure yours is too. So, I like to be clear I’m not wasting my time from the beginning, you know?’

‘Yes, of course. I like it. It’s very refreshing for a woman to be so direct,’ he said, and a strange fleeting sense of happiness seemed to radiate from him. ‘Tell me about you, Bella. When was your last date?’

‘Me.?.?. OK.’ I sipped at my Cosmopolitan, taking a breath. ‘I had a date a few days ago, but it didn’t go to plan.’

‘Ohh.’ Ian leaned forward onto the table, crossing over his arms. ‘Tell me more! What happened?’

I sighed, not knowing how vague to keep it. ‘Well .?.?. The guy was being pretty .?.?. sexual, and it was all too much for me. Especially on a first date.’

Ian sat back in his chair and rubbed his chin. ‘Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.’ He seemed lost in thought for a few seconds. ‘But, what made himoverlysexual? If you don’t mind me asking.’

I thought back to my previous date and the continuous comments about my arse and meeting up at his place. ‘I supposehe just hinted about sex a lot and commented on my body too.’ I took another sip of my drink, then continued. ‘I didn’t feel comfortable because I hardly knew him, that sort of thing.’

‘Yes, that’s understandable, to a certain degree.’ Ian downed the rest of his martini, just as the next one arrived. I had barely touched mine.

‘To a certain degree?’ I questioned his wording.

‘Well, I suppose it’s good to know how sexual someone is at the initial stages, isn’t it?’

I didn’t know what to respond. I tilted my head slightly, waiting on an explanation.

‘Everyone has different sexual expectations, Bella. People are into various things nowadays. They have different views or preferences, fantasies or arousals. It makes sense to know what each person is into from the get-go, yes? Well, I think so anyway. As you said before, you like to be direct and speaking about these things ensures you aren’t wasting any time.’

‘I guess romance isn’t dead, eh?’ I lifted my drink, trying to comprehend his point.But surely dating isn’t all about sex?

Ian laughed. ‘Do you disagree? I wouldn’t normally talk so openly about this on the first date, by the way.’

I nodded, still trying to understand if I was the one who’d instigated this entire topic of sex. Or if we were merely participating in a healthy debate.

‘OK, Bella, here it is. I personally have an extremely high sex drive, and when I say high, I mean off the freaking charts.’ He sat back proudly, took another hefty sip of his martini. ‘For instance, on a normal day, I ejaculate around seven times.’

Suddenly, my Cosmo went down the wrong way, and I began coughing uncontrollably, the alcohol burning my nostrils and throat.

But Ian continued, unfazed. ‘I just couldn’t settle down with someone who was, you know, vanilla in the bedroom. I need apartner to satisfy my sex drive. I’d expect a fulfilling relationship to be sex on tap, if that makes sense.’

And I’d expect your partner to need a new fanny by the second week of knowing you, Ian, I thought. I was still flabbergasted. Completely speechless, bar the odd cough which was luckily subsiding. God, I hadn’t had sex in three years, and this cunt came seven times a day.

Eventually, I managed to speak. ‘Wow.’

He smirked, looking pleased with himself as if he had impressed me with his ejaculation prowess.

‘Can I ask why you .?.?. doitso often?’ To be honest, I was wondering if that amount of chugging would be classed as an addiction.

Ian’s eyes darted briefly to the ceiling as he pondered the question. ‘I like to think that it’s ultimately the key to success! Have you heard of post-nut clarity?’

‘Huh?’

‘Post-nut clarity! If you have a problem you can’t solve, I can promise you, it will be a much easier fix after an orgasm.’ He raised his brows suggestively and I wondered if a cum alarm clock was about to go off to indicate it was time for him to excuse himself for a wank break. ‘What do you like in the sack, Bella?’

‘I’m sorry?’ I replied, snapping out of my astonishment.

‘You heard.’ Ian winked. ‘Be open with me. Come on, miss, straight to the point! What turns you on in the bedroom? What’s your kink, your favourite position, what does it for you?’

I was suddenly very aware I was sitting in The Social in the middle of the afternoon getting grilled about my sex life by a complete stranger.

‘I er .?.?. I don’t know,’ I stuttered, feeling my neck turn red and blotchy with nerves.

‘C’mon, everyone knows what position hits the spot.’ Ian’s hips gyrated, causing the table to tilt off balance, and I steadiedmy glass from toppling at his alarmingly vigorous hip thrust. I started to wonder how many martinis he’d downed before the date.

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