Page 38 of The Dicktionary Club

‘I honestly don’t know. I’ve never thought about it,’ I replied, not even remembering the last time my spot was hit.

‘Me, for instance. I’m into,’ he came closer and whispered, ‘Shibari ropes.’ There was a glint in his eyes, like he was excited to be speaking so openly about his kink in public in the middle of the day. ‘Do you know what that is?’ He swigged his drink confidently, looking at me like I was a young virgin and he was the Jedi of the Kama Sutra.

‘Well, no. Not particularly. But I could make a pretty good guess from the rope part,’ I said, unimpressed.

‘I was introduced to the practice when I was around your age in fact, and I’ve never looked back. You should look it up; it’s a lot of fun.’ He raised an eyebrow suggestively.

Aye, I bet it is foryou, ya twisted cunt.

‘Well, I honestly don’t think I’d be into that, Ian. And frankly, this conversation is all a bit much for me. I don’t like speaking about things like this on a first date.’

Ian raised one shoulder casually, then signalled to the waiter for another drink.

‘Another one?’ I laughed, making sure he knew I was judging him at this point.

‘I need it, trust me.’ A droning sigh filled the space between us. ‘You know, I had high hopes for you, Bella. But you’re pretty uptight, aren’t you? Come on, babe, loosen up.’ Ian shimmied his shoulders as if he was doing the twist at the table.

My jaw dropped.Was this man serious?!‘Uptight?’ I repeated.

‘Look, I hope I don’t come across as rude but .?.?.’

You hope!God, my blood was boiling. Aye, if I wanted to spend my afternoon listening to an arsehole, I’d have just farted.I had to get away from this man and his kinky fuckingropes.

‘No, not rude, Ian,’ I interrupted, ‘but this chat simply proves we want different things.’

He nodded. ‘I’ll say! We certainly do.’ He giggled, clearly more than tipsy. ‘Another drink, though? One for the road?’

‘You know, Ian, I’d better not.’ I held his gaze now. ‘I don’t want to take up too much of your day. After all, I know you’ve got those seven wanks to get ticked off,’ I replied sternly, opening my purse and placing a tenner on the table. ‘That’s for my Cosmo.’ I stood up out of the booth.

To my surprise, Ian laughed not unpleasantly, semi-agreeing with me. ‘Great to meet you, Bella. And hey, good luck finding someone a little less adventurous. I truly believe there is someone out there for all of us – we just have to find them!’

I attempted a smile, struggling to hide how insulted I was at his condescending tone. At least I knew from one quick date the real reason this forty-something man had never settled: because the only fanny that could take the amount of pounding that heexpectedin afulfillingrelationship was a blow-up doll.

‘See you, Ian,’ I said.

And I left The Social, strolling back to the office with my Google search now full of Shibari.

Chapter Thirteen

Ella

Zola and Katy were sat munching Pot Noodles when I returned to the office, jumping up excitedly when they saw me. I shook my head and returned to my workstation, pulling off my classic-style trench and hanging it over my seat.

‘Well .?.?.’ Katy asked.

‘That was quick,’ Zola added.

‘That was a fucking disaster!’ I said and turned to her. She simply rolled her eyes back in despair at me.

‘I don’t think you’ll ever write a good review, you know that? You’re too much of a man-hater!’ Zola tutted, shoving another forkful of noodles into her mouth. ‘We can’t fill this website with nothing but negative guys – we do need some good ones too. We need women to have hope!’

‘Oh, yeah, well I’m sorry, Zo. I suppose I’ll look past the fact the manyouset me up with casually likes to announce that he cums seven times a day!’

My friends’ faces dropped in shock. A second later, they burst out laughing, noodle juice flying down Zola’s chin.

‘And he is into Shibari, which Google tells me is Japanese rope bondage to restrain your partner. Sexy times!’

I glared at Zola, who held her hands up in defence.

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