Page 47 of The Dicktionary Club

Chapter Seventeen

Ella

As I approached my desk the next day, I spotted a large gift, perfectly wrapped in shiny red paper, waiting for me. I glanced at Zola, then at Katy, and pointed to the parcel on my desk.

Zola, who was crunching on an apple, shrugged. ‘It was here when we arrived.’

‘Oh! Maybe you have a secret admirer!’ Katy gushed, wheeling her seat over to my workspace.

I pulled off my coat, shaking my head. ‘I bet I know exactly who this is from.’

‘Who?’ Katy asked, glancing at Zola, who seemed equally confused.

‘Philip Khan! I offended his ego last night and now that prick thinks he can buy me,’ I muttered, unimpressed, as I began tearing open the paper.

I lifted the box for my friends to see the grand reveal.Maybe it would be some expensive dress or luxury scarf he asked one of his assistants to pick out for me.But as soon as I turned it around, I realised I was holding up an extra-large Rampant Rabbit in the middle of the office. Both my friends erupted into laughter, and I immediately hurled the offending item under the desk.

‘Seriously! Guys! Fuck sake, we’re at work!’ I felt my face turnpurple with embarrassment as my friends’ eyes acknowledged the outburst of laughter in the room.

‘Your face!’ Zola snorted. ‘Oh, I know who this will be from,’ she declared, in a poor imitation of my Glaswegian accent.

Katy doubled over, gasping for air. ‘You honestly thought Big Phil was buying the big dil! When you said you didn’t have one, Zola and I bounced straight onto Love Honey.’

I couldn’t keep my laughter in any longer, even though I was mortified. I glanced at the box under my desk which featured a photograph of the toy. It was massive: thick, made from rubber and a deep dark purple. There was no way that thing was getting anywhere near my vagina. I pride myself on my pelvic floor workout, and that device would have it in tatters.

‘Well, I don’t think I’ll need my Rabbit anymore, girls,’ Katy said proudly.

Zola and I turned to her, thirsty for some gossip; well, I was thirsty for a distraction from my solo sex habits.

‘You sealed the deal with Harry?’ I asked, excited to hear the details but even more relieved she wasn’t in a ball crying on the floor.

‘Not yet .?.?.’

Zola threw her head back and sighed dramatically, disappointed in her.

‘But .?.?.’ Katy continued, ‘Harry asked me to be his girlfriend last night, and I said yes.’

Zola and I gasped.

‘Andhe said he loved me!’ she added. Her eyes glazed over with tears.

‘He loves you!Wow. After what .?.?. like a week?’ Zola questioned, bursting her bubble.

‘When you know, you know, Zola. I told you both how I felt the other day and, well, he feels the same!’ Katy snapped.

‘I’m happy for you, Katy. Honestly, I am.’ I leaned over andhugged my friend. She never seemed to have any luck when it came to dating, and from what she’d told us (and what I’d second-hand stalked) about Harry, he did seem like a genuinely decent guy.

‘I am too! Of course I am, but you know, it is fast, and we know you have previous with falling hard,’ Zola said, crunching down on the last bite of her apple. ‘I’m just protecting your feelings, babe. But I’m very happy for you!’

‘So, tonight is the night!’ Katy’s face brightened. ‘He’s going to shag the living daylights out of me!’

I smiled widely. ‘Yes, girl! And, of course, we want all the details.’

Katy scoffed. ‘That’s if I don’t have to take a sick day.’ She lowered her voice. ‘He’s a big boy,’ she said and winked.

‘Jesus, no wonder you wifed him off! How do you know?’ I asked, hoping for at least a sloppy BJ story.

‘He warned me.’ She raised her eyebrows.

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