Page 81 of The Dicktionary Club

‘A rotten corpse, more like.’ Zola lifted the sofa cushion, but there was nothing suspicious apart from some crumbs, a chocolate wrapper and a few sad hair bobbles.

‘It’s like a kipper! I feel like I can taste kipper,’ Katy said, becoming more and more revolted by the smell.

As Zola held up the cushion in the air, searching the sofa, she reared back like a frightened pony. ‘It’s the cushion. It’s coming from the cushion!’

‘What?! Why? Are you sure?’ Katy gasped, stamping her feet like a child. ‘Oh, I hate this!’

Zola gulped, bravely leaned in and inhaled a whiff: ‘Oh, Jesus Christ, Katy!’

‘What! What is it?’

Zola stood up with tears in her eyes. ‘Squirted? You think you squirted?’

Katy looked confused. ‘What? I did! I honestly did.’

‘No, Katy! I’m sorry to say you pissed yourself. That is urine. And very fucking strong, concentrated urine at that, girl,’ Zola’s face was twisted in horror. ‘What the fuck were you drinking?’

‘Cocktails,’ Katy insisted, suddenly questioning every part of the night with Dominic. ‘But honestly, I squirted, Zo. I did. It was. He said .?.?. he said he could make anyone do it.’

‘Yeah, well, the dirty bastard’s made you empty your bladder, Katy. And you now have a roommate, so it’s fucked us for watchingLove Islandtonight. That’s one hundred per cent piss, girl!’ Zola pointed at the sofa. ‘C’mon, we need to get ready for work.’

*

Later that morning, the pair sat at their desks in complete silence. Zola checked her phone, but there were no new messages from Curtis. She searched his Instagram, but he hadn’t uploaded any new pictures or stories. Ella walked in and sat at her desk, looking cheerful.

‘Hey.’ She smiled.

‘Hey,’ Zola replied.

‘Hi,’ Katy said quietly.

Ella nudged her head towards Katy and turned to Zola. ‘What’s up with her?’

Zola swivelled around in her chair. ‘She’s just upset she pissed her sofa last night.’

‘Wait, what?’ Ella burst out laughing as Katy turned red with pure mortification.

‘Ella, I squirted,’ Katy said, as quietly as she could. I swear it was an orgasmic squirt.’

It took a minute for Ella’s laughter to subside, but when it finally did, she said, ‘There has been research that shows squirting during sex is actually just pee, you know!’ She was trying hard not to laugh too much at Katy’s expense.

‘Well, we can confirm that study from Katy’s own research last night, can’t we?’ Zola replied, turning back to her desk.

‘I’m so angry,’ Katy fumed. ‘I honestly thought I’d joined this elite category of women and now I know it’s all a lie,’ she mumbled.

‘Oh, babe! It’s not a lie. Did it feel good, though?’ Ella asked.

Katy was thinking back. ‘It felt weird, I guess. I’m not sure if it was good.’

‘Will you see him again?’ Zola asked, typing away.

‘I think so, but maybe not this week. I have a few more dates planned with other people. He did also say he dated men,which, before you say anything, I think is pretty cool. He is obviously very woke and stuff,’ Katy said, seemingly impressed with Dominic’s varied tastes.

‘Katy, babe,’ Ella began. ‘You have a hard enough time coping if a hot girl walks into the bar around your man. Imagine how you’d feel with hot menandwomen!’

‘I am more secure now, Ella,’ Katy waffled back.

Zola was laughing hard. ‘Mmmm.?.?. OK, well, let me know if he’s making another appearance and we’ll get some plastic sheeting down. But, you have certainly enough to review him, so there’s not really any point in revisiting. Besides, there’s only so much Febreze we can afford here!’

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