Page 86 of The Dicktionary Club

‘Twenty minutes.’ Philip glanced at his fancy Rolex and then back to me. ‘I’m doing OK, then?’

I side-eyed his playfulness. ‘When was your last date?’ I returned the question, and watched him slump back.

‘It wasn’t so much of a date, but I suppose I did see a girl a couple of times around a month or so ago.’

I wondered if he was lying. I knew he had no reason to lie, but at the same time, I couldn’t imagine him not having sex for over a month.

‘And how did it end?’ I asked.

‘Well, you see, it didn’t start. She was good to look at, but besides that, there wasn’t anything of substance there.’ Philip held up his hands defensively. ‘She seemed more interested in what businesses I owned than me.’

I thought about how difficult it must be meeting someone genuine with his level of success. How hard he must find filtering out the girls who were more interested in a lifestyle boost, rather than him as a human being.

I reached for the champagne, but Philip placed his hand over mine.

‘Allow me,’ he said and began pouring. ‘It’s funny, I have seemed to have gone from someone obsessed with my job and overly keen on me to someone who doesn’t seem keen at all.’ His dark eyes flickered at me.

I lifted my glass casually. ‘Perhaps you should find someone more in the middle ground then,’ I retorted.

‘Agh, and where would the fun be in that?’

At that moment, a young blonde woman appeared, bopping her head around the side of the booth. ‘Philip! How are you?’ she said excitedly. ‘Great turnout! Everyone is so impressed at the renovations!’

Philip sat up straight. ‘Amelia, yes! It looks great! This is Ella, my .?.?.’

‘Friend,’ I interrupted and stuck my hand out.

‘Oh, Ella! It’s fab to meet you! Philip’s told us all about you.’ She approached me, dodging my hand and going for a hug instead.

I smiled instantly at her warm, energetic personality.

‘And I’m sure I included that she wasn’t a hugger,’ Philip said under his breath. ‘This is Amelia, my PA.’

‘Oh,Amelia! It’s lovely to meet you,’ I replied, immediately remembering her name, which had popped up on his phone numerous times. I examined the bright, pretty girl and wondered if the lines were ever blurred between them. She placed her hand on Philip’s shoulder as they spoke closely, pointing outside at the queue forming.

‘Should I run through the plan for tonight now, or .?.?.??’ Amelia asked Philip eagerly, hovering at the table, unsure whether to take a seat or not.

‘Oh, no, no. I’m sure Ella doesn’t want—’

I shook my head, sliding out of the booth. ‘No, please. You guys talk shop. I’m going to nip to the bathroom.’ I stood up, feeling the effects of the champagne hit me. Fucking hell, I felt drunk, I thought. But I played it down, glancing around the bar.

‘Oh, it’s just through the back to the right-hand side,’ Amelia said. ‘Or if it’s too busy, there are staff facilities upstairs you’re more than welcome to use.’

‘Not at all. I won’t be long.’ I smiled back at the pair and headed to the bathroom, feeling Philip’s eyes on me as I disappeared through the crowd. I wondered if they were chattingabout me, or what he had told her. Probably that I’m some business associate, making sure he kept all of his options open.

The bright bathroom was busy with groups of girls with strong Edinburgh accents taking selfies and reapplying their lipsticks. I stood in line listening to them drunkenly chatting about various men leaving them on read, liking other girls’ Instagram photographs or acting like complete dickheads after a few dates, and I wondered when we could expand the Dicktionary Club to other cities. This was an epidemic, and I felt like my friends and I had suddenly stumbled upon a vaccine.

After a quick pee, and reapplying some gloss to my lips, I wandered back through the lively bar, weaving and edging my way through tables of noisy partygoers. I had just spotted an empty path to squeeze by two people when one guy turned, spilling a drink down my arm.

‘Oh shit. I’m so sorry!’ he said.

I rubbed my arm and shook my head. ‘It’s OK, honestly. It’s so rammed in here.’

‘Ella? No way, Ella Banks! I can’t believe it!’

His voice sounded familiar.

I glanced up at the stranger, and bile instantly scorched my throat.

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