Page 89 of The Dicktionary Club

Philip remained silent.

‘But there was always this tiny part of me that thought maybe he’d realise .?.?.’

Tears and snot trickled down my face again, and I sniffed loudly.

‘Realise what?’ Philip asked.

‘Realise that I could be enough for him. Just me. Just me and him.’

I began to feel tears stream down my face again and lowered my head, absolutely humiliated and distraught over how this night had turned out.

As I cried, I felt Philip’s warm body wrap around mine and hold me. I tried to push him off, but he remained there. His strong arms held me, until finally, I stopped fighting. I didn’t have the energy; I felt broken. I rested my head against his tux instead, sobbing until my breathing calmed and my heart rate settled. We stood that way in silence for a few minutes.

‘Better?’ he eventually whispered.

I bobbed my head back, still glued to his chest.

Philip raised my chin to his face. ‘You don’t have to be strong always, you know.’

I nodded. ‘I am usually very organised and structured, not like this. I just didn’t anticipate that tonight, and it caught me off guard,’ I admitted, glancing up at him.

‘If you live life so organised and structured, what happens to spontaneity?’

As I fixated on Philip, my heart picked up its pace. His eyes were dark but full of kindness.

‘Spontaneity?’ I whispered back.

‘Yes. Like this.’

Philip leaned closer, his face hovering just above mine for a few seconds. I felt his warm breath on my lips, and then he kissed me.

I paused, stepping back.

‘We shouldn’t,’ I said immediately.

Philip stepped closer to me again, this time he placed his hand on my chin. I closed over my eyes. It felt good to be comforted. Then I felt his lips kiss me once more.

This time I wrapped my arms around him, not remembering the last time I was kissed. He opened his mouth wider, kissing me more deeply, his tongue soft and warm. His mouth began wandering down my neck, biting and grazing my skin. He turned my body around, my back now pressing against him, and I looked up over my shoulder, his dark mysterious eyes locked on me, then we began kissing more passionately this time. As his tongue wrapped around mine, his hands ran up and down my silky dress. He grunted, touching me slowly but hungrily.

I turned back around, pushing him back to take a seat on a keg, kissing him even more deeply. It felt so good giving in to him, but it also felt like taking back some control.

Every part of my body surged to be touched. I could feel blood rush between my thighs at the thought of this man between them. I tugged on his jacket, pulling it off, and Philip allowed it to fall to the floor.

‘Jesus,’ he panted.

But I kept going. I wanted him. I wanted to feel better.

Philip ran his hand up my leg, and I widened my legs, desperate for him to touch me. He pulled my underwear to the side and started rubbing my clit.

‘Yes,’ I whispered. ‘Keep going.’

Philip pushed a finger deep inside of me, and I arched my back, feeling every inch of it.

‘Fucking hell,’ he whimpered, almost in awe. ‘When was the last time you were touched, Ella?’

I opened my eyes and stared back at him.

‘Not since .?.?.’ I couldn’t bear to say his name. And I was determined my ex wasn’t ruining this moment for me.

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