Page 26 of Finlay

I shouldn’t lust after Finn. He was too big. Too strong.Too wild.

But I couldn’t help myself. I’d struggled to keep things professional when he was fully clothed and there was a counter between us. Take away those clothes and make him dripping wet and working out?It was a miracle I wasn’t waiting on the shore with lube and a condom.

I might’ve done that in the past. Okay, so it would’ve been a towel instead of lube, but I would’ve flirted. Might’ve suggested he come inside to warm up. Offered to cook him breakfast after…

I put my cup down on the side, grabbing onto the sink with both hands.It’s okay. You’re free of him now.Takingseveral deep breaths, I focused on the feel of the cold ceramic beneath my fingers.You’re safe. He’s not here. He can’t find you.

Fuck, I hated the power Matt had over me still. Something as stupid as thinking about offering to cook someone breakfast shouldn’t be enough to trigger this level of panic. The clawing, claustrophobic feeling of being trapped.

Cooking Matt breakfast had been one of my‘chores.’ He’d said it was the least I could do, given I was living in his house.

The fact that I’d been paying him rent hadn’t been enough, apparently. Not that I’d minded at first. I loved caring for people, especially cooking for them. They said the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach, and it was a philosophy I fully endorsed.

Well, used to endorse. Just the thought of cooking for someone else now had my hands trembling and sweat breaking out on my temples.

Or apparently, sent me into a full-blown panic attack.

I tried to suck in air, but my lungs weren’t cooperating. Dark spots appeared in my vision as I started to hyperventilate.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I hadn’t had many panic attacks before. This was only my third. The first had happened when I thought I saw Matt walk past the shop window, the second when I glimpsed a car the same make and colour as his.

The room tilted sideways, and I slid to the floor.You’re not going to faint. You’re hyperventilating.

My gran had suffered with panic disorder, so thankfully, I knew the basics. My hands were tingling, my lips too. Cupping my hands over my face, I breathed in and out several times.

Fuck, it wasn’t getting better. Maybe I should lie down. The cool tile might help ground me.

I’d done just that when there was a hammering at my front door. I flinched, my hand spasming against the floor. Who the fuck was that? I didn’t have any deliveries due and I lived too far out for any salesmen.

The knocking was repeated, and I closed my eyes. Whoever it was, they’d have to go away. I was in no state for company.

Imagine if it was Finn.

I dismissed that thought. He was far away, swimming in the loch. He had no idea I lived here, and even if he did, why would he be knocking? It wasn’t like we were friends or as if he could know anything was wrong.

My blood was whooshing in my ears. I focused on that, trying to slow my breathing. That was when I noticed another noise. A strange scratching at my back door.

If I weren’t already mid-panic attack, I might’ve been concerned about bears. Not that we had them here in Scotland, but my brain was past logic. As it was, I didn’t react as the handle turned and the door was nudged open.

My chest constricted until I spotted a long snout.It’s just a dog.

The door creaked wider and I frowned. A fucking big dog. Holy shit, what breed was that?

Sharp green eyes swept the kitchen as he sniffed the air. He padded inside on giant paws and a jolt of fear zipped through me.

Great. You’ve recovered enough for more panic. Fabulous timing.

Was that even a dog? It looked more like a wolf. I knew they weren’t wild in Scotland, not anymore. I’d researched it the other night after Finn had stumbled on me in thewoods. I’d thought it was better to be informed about what could eat me out there.

Turned out, not a lot. Highland cows definitely carried the most risk.

A small whimper slipped free and the dog’s head snapped around. Its gaze landed on me and I froze.“Please don’t eat me.”

The dog dropped onto its belly. Without looking away from me, it crawled forward a few inches at a time, until its snout was level with my hand. Its damp nose nudged the back of my hand tentatively.

“Oh, you’re friendly.” I exhaled slowly. “Thank fuck, because I definitely would’ve given up and just let you have me today.” The dog’s lips drew back suddenly, his hackles rising. I shrank away. “Maybe not so friendly.”

He stopped instantly and rolled on his back, his tail wagging furiously. Despite never having owned a dog, I knew it was his way of submitting. Of telling me he wasn’t a threat.

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