Page 27 of Finlay

I sat up with a chuckle, unable to resist such a cutie. “Okay, but if you bite me, there’ll be no treats for you.” Reaching forwards, I scratched his belly. “You’re gorgeous, aren’t you. Yes you are. I’ve never seen a pup like you before. You’re so big!”

The dog chuffed and rolled over. He kept low to the ground, his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth.

“Who do you belong to?” I stroked around his neck, giving him some scratches. From the low purr he gave, he liked it. “Hmm, no collar. I’m sure your owner must be missing you though. Maybe we should go outside and see if we can find them.”

Bracing my hand on the floor, I pushed upwards. I only managed to rise a few inches before the room tiltedagain.It’s okay, it’s just the lack of oxygen. Take it slowly and you’ll be fine.

But I couldn’t. Because the dog put his massive head on my thigh, holding me down.

I glanced at him in confusion. “You’ve gotta let me up, pup. I can’t find your owner if you don’t.”

Did the dog justroll his eyes?No. I must’ve been imagining things. He may as well have though, given he seemed to have no intention of letting me move. He shuffled until his front paws were on my lap too, pinning me in place.

“Okay,” I said softly, relaxing back onto the floor. “We can stay here for a few minutes, I guess.”

The dog harrumphed like he was agreeing with me. My hands went into his fur, petting him as we sat on my kitchen floor. Thanks to his size, there was no way he’d fit on my lap. He was heavy too, just his front paws and head enough to hold me down. It didn’t hurt or stress me out. If anything, it was more like having a weighted blanket on me.

Maybe I should get a dog.

“I don’t know how or why you’re here,” I said as his solemn green eyes blinked up at me from my lap, “but you have great timing. You didn’t come here to listen to me whine though. No, I bet you’re hungry. Let me up and I’ll find something for you. I’m pretty sure I’ve got some bacon in the fridge.”

Once again though, I tried to stand and the dog held me down. I sighed as he nudged my tummy and gave a small whine. “Oh, you do want to hearallmy troubles? Well, you asked for it.”

Stroking him again, I found the words pouring free. “Where should I start? How about the fact that I just had apanic attack over the thought of making someone breakfast?”

The dog tilted his head to the side, as if to sayseriously?

“Yes, seriously.” I sighed. “My last boyfriend wasn’t very nice. Not to me, anyway. I didn’t realise that for a long time, and I stayed with him for years longer than I should have.”

The dog shuffled closer, giving me more of his weight. I smiled, grateful to have him here. Was it weird that I was unburdening myself to a random animal I’d only just met? Probably, but it was better than just letting myself rot inside. And it was definitely better than opening up to the few humans in my life. My thoughts went briefly to Finn. Was he still swimming, or had he gone home? What would he think if he found me on my floor, talking to a dog?

Something told me he wouldn’t tease or mock me for it. Maybe he’d sit with us too, offering me silent support while I talked.

That’s not going to happen,I reminded myself. He was practically a stranger. Okay, he seemed to be attracted to me, but that didn’t mean he wanted to sign up for all my bullshit.

Even if he did, I wouldn’t be able to let him. Matt had left my ability to trust in shreds. I wasn’t sure anyone could repair it. Not even me.

The dog stared up at me solemnly, his head on my leg, ears standing at attention.

“Now, I think I’m broken. I had a thought earlier about cooking breakfast for a hot bloke. Not that I want to pursue anything with him, but he keeps swimming in the loch every morning and he’s just…so fucking hot. And naked. It’s too delicious. Maybe I should start an anonymous petition on the internet for full wetsuits to be required in the loch. I don’t think that’d even stop me drooling over him though. Finn’s so attractive it’s really unfair to all other men.”

The dog vibrated, almost like he was laughing.

“It’s okay, you can laugh.” I’d officially lost it if I was treating this dog like a human. But why not? He’d shown me more kindness in the past few minutes than some humans had in a lifetime. “I laugh at me all the time. I never used to be like this. Once upon a time, I would’ve been waiting outside with a towel for him.”

I sighed, sinking my fingers deeper into his fur. “I can’t do that anymore.”

The dog huffed.Why not?

Great, I was now making up the dog’s side of the conversation, just like that guy with his reindeer in the Disney film. “Because I’m broken now. Changed. Matt took the person I was and shaped me into something new. Now I’m away from him…but I don’t know how to undo it. I don’t know how to find that person again.”

Hot tears pricked at the back of my eyes. “I wish I could though. I’m so miserable. And so fucking lonely. But I can’t change that. I can’t let anyone close.”

He leaned his head into my stomach pointedly.You’ve let me close.

“Well you don’t count,” I whispered, tickling under his jaw. “You won’t hurt me, right? And you’ll go back to your owner soon anyway.”

I leaned forward, cradling the dog’s massive head in my arms, hugging him tightly. “But you come back whenever you like, okay? I could always use the cuddles and company. And I’ll buy some special treats, just for you.”

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