Page 75 of Best Friends, Tennessee

“Fuckoff,” he whispered, turning to wipe at his cheek with the heel of his palm.

“For Christ’s sake, Ori, come here,” I said, stepping toward him and crushing my body to his. I gripped him close, tightening around him as I pressed kisses to his wet hair, his temple, his cheeks. When I kissed his mouth I tried to show him how I felt with every fucking second I was on him.

I never, ever would have left your side.

The tiniest trace of salt from his tears landed on my lips, and my heart cracked into a million pieces and grew again, all at once.

“I am going to kick your ass for this,” he said against my lips as I held his head in my hands.

I puffed out a laugh, breathing deep, not knowing I’d been holding my breath.

“You can kick my ass,” I told him. “As long as you don’t fade away from me again.”

“I don’t want to fade away,” he said. “Still don’t even know why you like having me around.”

“It’s the little things,” I said. “I love your sketchbooks all over the house, the watercolors. You spit them out in fifteen minutes and they look like little masterpieces. I like seeing your dumb Beetle outside when I leave in the morning. Fuck, Ori, I even like having an excuse to pick up extra food, knowing you might want some, too.”

“You’ve been doing that on purpose?” he asked.

“Of course I have. I think of you automatically. Even when I’m not trying to.”

He melted against me, claiming my mouth in another slow kiss. “You are too good to me. I think that’s always been true.”

“No such thing,” I said. “Ori, you can move anywhere. You can end up on the other side of the planet, if that’s what you want, but you need toknowI’ll always be here for you.”

I wanted to kick myself, truly, for being so blind.

What had held me back?

Why couldn’t I have let myself feel any of this—doany of this, when I was just a little bit younger? My life had been a series of rules I’d thought I had to follow.

Rules, rules, rules: rise above your past, and don’t crumble, even when your parents do. Excel in school. Excel in football. Excel socially, with anyone and everyone. Get a job, get a house.

Find a girlfriend, then a wife.

I’d been in survival mode for so long that I’d never stopped to let myself wonder if there was anything beneath those rules that I might want.

I had to lose Ori and find him again to know how deeply Ineededhim.

And when it came to Ori?Fuckthe rules.

I would do anything for him.

“Promised you wouldn’t touch me,” he said now, even as he wrapped his arms up around my shoulders, nestling his head against the crook of my neck.

I hummed. “I’ll stop the moment you tell me to.”

I felt him breathe against me. “That’s not going to happen.”

If I thought I wanted Ori to fuck me earlier, it was magnified to a level I hadn’t even known was possible now.

The fear had evaporated.

I was his, in whatever way he wanted to have me.

I reached behind him to turn off the shower, pressing a gentle kiss on his lips before grabbing the towels outside. I handed him one and after we dried off, I pulled open a drawer in the vanity, bringing out condoms and a bottle of lube.

I looked Ori up and down, his skin glistening in the light.

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